


Candle in a Coffin

by AzureSynergy



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Bloodbending (Avatar), Brain Damage, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, I try, It Gets Worse, Multi, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Past Torture, Platonic Soulmates, Sad, Slow Build, Soulmates, That thing where soumates can see your past and stuff, Torture, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko is so cute as a baby, but also some fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24375853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureSynergy/pseuds/AzureSynergy
Summary: Zuko doesn't remember how he became so... different.What he does remember were the hands of his Soulmates guiding him throughout his struggles.Also, that Father put him in a coffin with a straw and the words: "Firebending comes from the breath. It's time you learn some cotroll."
Relationships: Aang & Toph Beifong & Katara & Sokka & Suki & Zuko, Aang/Katara (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 153
Kudos: 982





	1. Mother's Child Is Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko does some cute 4y/o bending, Ozai is being a poes, Ursa (this fucking queen) saves the day!

Zuko was four when Ozai first showed interest in the progress of his bending lessons.

He didn't know why father was so serious about him being a _proper_ firebender. But Zuku didn't want to lose an opportunity to have his dad's attention, so of course he jumped at the suggestion. 

So now Ozai was sitting on his throne, looming over him.

"Begin." Ozai demanded, voice level.

Zuko swallowed and got into the first stance. Now was his moment to show Father all he learned! If he focussed maybe he could even make a flame today!

He looks at his father to see his expression. There is a scowl on his face. Zuko feels his heart beat faster; did he already do something wrong?

Zuko feels his hands start to shake, but forces himself to start with the first set of movements. 

Zuko lifts his arms and takes a solid step forward, shifting into the next stance, just like the Fire Sages taught him. He focusses on the tingling in his hands, feels the heat build in his palm. He was going to do it!

He feels energy move up his arm as he punches -

A small puff of smoke bursts out of his closed fist. 

Zuko stares and blinks. What did he do wrong? He lowers his arms and turns his head towards the Fire Lord. 

Somehow his scowl got deeper, his lip is curled, and his eyes don't look very friendly now. 

He doesn't know why he keeps standing there, making shaky eye contact before looking at the ground. Wasn't father going to say something?

He felt his eyes begin to sting and his lip wobble. He tried his best! Father will say something any minute now about how much better he was today, just - 

"How beautiful, Zuko." A new voice praises. 

Zuko looks to the doors, startled enough to forget his tears. The moment he sees his mother walk into the room, his disappointment all but disappears. 

He runs over to her, and collides with her legs, wrapping his arms around them tightly. "Really?" He asks, awed, and looks up at her with shining golden eyes. 

She gives him a soft smile and rests a hand on his hair. "Of course, my darling. You did exactly as the Fire Sages showed you. I'm so proud."

Zuko beams, and feels his heart swell and warm. 

"If he did as instructed, he would have his breathing correct. He didn't even manage a spark, let alone a flame. He failed."

The warmth turned to ice. Zuko let go of his mom and brought his shoulders up against his ears. He turns around to face his father. 

Father was right, he forgot to breathe in before he punched... maybe that's why he - failed, Zuko realises miserably. 

"Now, Ozai, he's still young. Besides, his movements were great. He just needs more time-"

"What he needs, is more training - more discipline." 

Zuko swallows at Father's angry interruption. The flames along his throne platform grew large before settling. 

Warm hands slide along his shoulders and cross over his chest. They sofly reel him in until Zuko feels his back press against Mother's robes. 

He feels himself relax.

"I'll decide what he does and does not need." Ursa's voice was clear and firm. Ozai didn't reply. 

They left together, and when Mother gives him bread to feed the turtleducks Zuko even forgets that Father called him a _failure_.


	2. Mother's Child is Ignorant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko learns what Soulmates are, Ozai is being a poes, and Azula (this crazy cookie) is born.

Zuko hates waiting.

He's standing outside Father and Mother's chambers while the servants run around with a calm focus. It's only been a little while since his Mother's "water broke". 

He learned from one of the kind servant ladies that that was adult speak for: "the baby is coming". 

But no one told him he had to wait a whole fifteen minutes! What is taking them so long in there? And what are all those towels for?! 

Zuko crosses his arms and sits down in a huff. How much longer until he gets to see his new brother? Or sister... eew. How was he supposed to play games with his brother if she was a boy?

He frowns and thinks again - _'If she... was a he... no no. If he was a girl. Yes.'_

The chamber doors open.

Zuko jumps up, eyes wide, but it's only a servant carrying a bowl of water. He frowns and looks around the hallway. 

Earlier it was really busy, but now there is no one around. 

Maybe he can go play? His lessons aren't until later and no one is around to yell at him for running in the palace. 

That sounds like the best plan he ever made.

And then Zuko is off like a mongoose lizzard.

* * *

Zuko runs around the Fire Blossom tree for the third time. Each time trying to run around it faster. 

Around him the world becomes a blend of colour and ripples. 

By the sixth time around, he is out of breath and panting. Zuko feels his lungs burn and begins to slow down. His foot snags on a root of the tree and he falls face first onto the ground. 

Pain is instantly firing up from his elbows and palms. 

When the world stops spinning, Zuko sits up with a sniffle and looks at his hands. They're covered in dirt and he's got an owie _and it burns and where's Mother and why did I have to fall and ow this hurts_...

There are tears in his eyes now and Zuko feels himself tremble.

_'Don't cry. Father said that only wee-lings cry. And... and if you do... then someone will come here... and then I'll get in trouble... and Mother is busy and I don't want to sit in my room alone until I have to do my lessons.'_

Zuko startles out of his thought loop when he feels the pain dull. All the way from his elbow down to his pinky he suddenly feels a swaying cold sensation. But more than that - it feels like there are two _hands_ on his arms - like those hands were scooping up the hurt and washing them away.

He watches his arms, still covered in dirt and a little bit of blood, and feels how his owie is made better. 

"Wooooow." He whispers.

The hands on his arm startle, like they didn't expect him to talk. Zuko feels them pull away and panics.

"No - don't go - I won't hurt you." He knows he can be scary sometimes - being the son of the Fire Lord. 

Zuko looks around but sees nothing - only the pond - the palace walkway - and the tree he is sitting under. He feels alone here in the silent court yard. Not even the turtleducks are here to make noises. 

He feels alone, but somehow he knows he isn't. 

"I think... do I know you?" Zuko can't explain it, but something tells him that cool touch is familliar - as if he felt it before.

There's a pressure on his shoulder that feels like a hand, and it squeezes before letting go. Zuko's eyes widen. 

"Are you a ghost?!" This could be grandpa's spirit come back for the throne! 

The hand taps his shoulder twice - quickly- and firmly. 

"Well... you don't feel like a ghost. You feel like water when it goes like this." Zuko picks up a rock and throws it into the pond.

"See?" He points at the water that was now wobbling to the edges of the pond from the point of impact.

Zuko waits for another tap, but it doesn't come. He pouts, and brings his knees up against himself. 

"If you're not a ghost, then what are you?" He looks at the water while talking. It's not like he can see where the ghost is, anyway. 

Then he feels it - a finger poking him in the back. He frowns.

"I don't get it." He groans and drops his legs. The finger pokes him again - harder time - but not hard enough to hurt. 

"Stop poking me there, I don't like it." Zuko was starting to get frustrated. The poking stopped.

"You're not making sense. I'll just ask Mother later when-" He gasped and stood up. "I'm having a baby!" Zuko yelled excited, his hurting arms all but forgotten. 

He starts running to the walkway leading to the palace, only for him to feel big hands pushing against his chest. 

These hands don't feel the same as Ripple's. 

Zuko stops moving and steps back. There is more than one ghost here? He looks around nervously and swallows. 

"What do you want with me?!" He yelled, ashamed when his voice trembled. How is he supposed to be tough if they can hear how scared he is?

Why were there ghosts haunting him? 

Ripple's hand squeezes his shoulder again. Zuko doesn't move, but relaxes a little. Ripple helped make his owie feel better, so they can't be all that bad, right?

"Is the ghost with the big hands your friend?" He asked while looking at his shoulder.

Ripple tapped once. Zuko tilted his head when a few seconds later Ripple tapped twice. 

"I don't know what all this," Zuko crossed his outstretched arms at the wrist and rapidly slapped the back of his hands together, "means." 

The atmosphere around him seems to lighten suddenly, like everything that ever upset him was pulled out of the air. It felt comfortable and Zuko felt safe and happy. 

Then there is a big hand on his head ruffling his hair. 

Zuko is so startled by this action that he freezes up and lets it happen. Ripple pats his shoulder and he relaxes. 

Then he gets an idea. 

"Do you want to come see my new baby brother? He isn't here yet, but Mother's water is coming, so the baby is broken." He smiles to himself. 

His new friends will love this! 

Once again the atmosphere buzzes and it feels like the sun shines two times warmer. All this hapiness was making Zuko's head feel lighter than it has in a long time and he can't stop smiling.

* * *

"Meet Azula, Zuko."

"Where's... but he's a she!" 

"Yes, darling, she's your little sister."

Zuko frowns at the bundle in Mother's arms. That's when he sees a little black speck in the palm of Azula's hand. 

"What's wrong with her?" He asks and points.

Mother looks worried. He's about to ask what is making her look so pale, when Father decides to speak.

"It's her soulmark. But it seems to be grey. You know what that means."

Zuko looks at his father with wide eyes and waits. He doesn't know what it means. But he doesn't want to ask, otherwise he'll get in trouble for being a failure. 

"Ozai, don't." Ursa reaches over and takes Zuko's hand in hers. 

"It means," Ozai stares at Zuko right in the eye, "that she was born strong. Soulmates are a distraction. Just wait and see. Azula is destined for greatness."

When Ozai finished, he looks Zuko up and down with a frown and downturned lips. 

"But I don't have any soulmarks either!" Zuko blurts and bounces, swinging his mother's hand. 

Ozai scoffs and lifts his head so he's peering at Zuko down his nose.

"No, you fool. In fact, you are so weak you were born with more than one wretched weakling tethered to you."

Zuko frowns while deflating. Does that mean he is weaker than someone with only one soulmate? 

"Ozai, stop. Don't say those things it's not-"

"Don't take this away from the boy - he's old enough to hear this."

"No he's not, you're being unnecessarily cruel and I won't-"

Zuko tugs on his mother's hand. Father said she was taking something away from him. He wants to hear what Father has to say.

His tugging made her stop talking. Zuko sees his father smirk.

"When you were born," Ozai begins slowly - the smirk still in place, "all your soulmates were grey."

"Ozai-"

His father gives Mother a look that makes her stay quiet.

"Do you know what it means if a soulmark is grey?"

Zuko looks at his feet and shakes his head, ashamed that he doesn't know. But Father isn't angry, he just smiles and says:

"It means your Soulmates are dead. So we burned your masks off, as is tradition."

Zuko hears what Father says. But... what does a soulmate do? And what is a soulmark? And why is this making his mother so unhappy? Is it because people are dead? 

Should he be upset, too?

Father then stands up, taking Azula from Mother's protesting arms, and walks away. Zuko watches as Mother makes worried noises before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. 

"Darling," She breathes out and pats the bed next to her.

Zuko crawls in next to her. 

"What do you not understand about what we talked about?" She asks and bruses his bangs from his eyes with her forefinger. 

He fidgets. He doesn't want to get in trouble for not knowing something. Before he could start stressing too much, he feels Ripple push his shoulder gently. 

It was like Ripple was encouraging him to talk. Well. His hands do feel better thanks to them so...

Zuko takes a deep breath and find his strengh. 

"What are Soulmates and soulmarks?" 

Ursa smiles, traces her nail down Zuko's cheek. 

"A soulmark is a little picture that helps you recognise your soulmate. You both have identical pictures that nobody else does. And a soulmate," Ursa took a breath and Zuko blinked when he saw her smile wobble a bit.

"Well, your soulmate is someone that's always there with you."

"Like a royal sentry?" He asks and scooches closer.

Ursa laughs softly.

"More like a very close friend, my sweet turtledove."

Zuko frowns. Lu Ten is his friend, but also his cousin, but he isn't always here with him like Mother said Soulmates would be.

Then he thinks about the ghosts. 

And about what Father said. 

"But... my Soulmates are dead." He mumbled and burrows into Mother's sleeping gown. Zuko feels her hand on the back of his head. The warmth of his mother's hand distracts him from the urgent tapping on his shoulder. 

Ursa is quiet for a long time, like she is thinking carefully about what she wants to say next.

"Your father burned your marks off before I could see. He plucked you from my breast like he did your sister just now. But... I know that you had five soulmarks."

Zuko's eyes go wide. If he had five Soulmates then... that would explain why he was so bad at firebending. Father was right - Soulmates are a distraction and they make you-

"And I know they aren't dead."

He blinks up at his mother.

"But Father said-"

"Who do you trust more?"

Zuko purses his lips and frowns. He trusts Mother _and_ Father. Mother always teaches him things he doesn't know and Father keeps him strong by teaching him how to remember things. 

Not knowing what to say, Zuko doesn't say anything.

Ursa isn't angry, she just chuckles.

"I read a book from a Magic library once. It said that the spirits gave us the gift of Soulmates so we can find harmony in our lives by guiding each other through our life struggles with foresight."

That was... too many big words. Zuko just nods and decides to ask that nice servant lady what these words mean. 

"You don't need marks to know your Soulmates are there. You will be able to feel them."

Zuko is growing bored. 

He starts to think about what he can do for fun while Mother rests. ' _Maybe I can go swimming? Or Vole hunting? Or-'_

That's when Father comes back with a sleeping Azula. 

Without saying a word he hands the baby to Mother and looks over at Zuko.

"You should be training." He declares, eyes dangerous.

 _'-Or I can go to my lessons I forgot about!'_ Zuko speeds out of bed, ignorant of the moment Mother turned over Azula's hand and sobbed. 

Where her soulmark had been, was now a scar, wrapped in bandages.

* * *

Ripple was there again later that night, while he lay in bed, hurting from the scorches the Fire Sages gave him for not having the proper form or forgetting his stances. 

"Thank you." He whispers while drifting to sleep, as he feels the hurt from his wounds be pulled away. 

Large calloused hands rub his back, where he now knows his soulmarks once were. 

_'If my Soulmates aren't dead, why do I only feel their ghosts? And why do they feel alive?'_

Zuko is so confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make Azula the older sibling... But I also wanted her to outmatch Zuko in Firebending while being younger, so that would justify Ozai's actions in later chapters. It also helps because I got to show you how Zuko wasn't the only one being screwed over by the Loser Lord.   
> Timeline wise, I have no idea what's going on. So I'll just make up my own timeline.  
> This is awesome, because it means next chapter we get to see baby Zuko, Azula, Lu Ten and Uncle Iroh bonding.  
> It's gonna be so damn cute and fluffy. 
> 
> I want to build up to the really dark stuff.  
> So fluff and cute Zuko only (for now).


	3. Mother's Child is Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko learns Pottety, Lu Ten is best cousin ever and Azula being cute.

When Uncle Iroh comes to visit, Zuko stresses a little. He's not so good with talking to grownups. Whenever he tries, he always says the wrong things and then even Mother looks at him with disapproval.

So as soon as Uncle gets to the Palace, Zuko makes sure to greet him politely before planning to run off and hide the rest of the day. 

He didn't expect his uncle to bring someone else along. 

Zuko's whole world lights up the moment he sees Lu Ten. His cousin was here too! He vibrates in place as the royal party exchanges hello-s and other Firenation customs that Zuko still has to learn.

Finally they move along, Zuko trailing behind. He doesn't want to draw too much attention to himself. Uncle Iroh looks scary, even though he's wearing a smile as big as the sun.

Lu Ten walks slower until he's right next to Zuko. 

He feels nervous, and forces his hands to stop shaking. What will his cousin - a soldier - think about his being scared? 

"Wanna go outside and play a game?" Lu Ten suggests earnestly with a smile. 

Zuko looks up at his face. A game? He doesn't know a lot of games to play with more than one person. 

"Okay." He replies. Because this is still better than saying something wrong to the adults. 

* * *

Zuko crosses his arms when Lu Ten brings a bunch of clay and other weird things from somewhere in the palace. 

"This knife is weird. You can't hurt anybody with this." Zuko notes and picks up a deformed butterknife. 

Lu Ten just laughs. "It's a Fettling knife. You don't use it to inflict harm." 

Zuko blinks. "Okay." He says, because his cousin wants a reply, right? It must be the right thing to say because Lu Ten continues explaining the names of all the tools and what they do. 

Tulons, Trowels, Turntable, Trimmer... a lot of "T" words that just fade into one thing. 

He listens with growing interest, especially when Lu Ten says they're going to make something.

"Like what?" Zuko scooches closer to Lu Ten. His eyes are wide as he watches his cousin's big hands move the clay around, showing him how to form things. 

"I want to make a vase to put some flowers in." His foot presses up and down on a pedal, making the small table - turntable - spin around. 

"But what about me! What can I make?!" Zuko doesn't like being left out. He also wants to make something but he doesn't have any ideas. And Lu Ten already stole the idea of making a vase. 

"How about a tea pot?" His cousin suggests.

Zuko pokes his tongue out. "Tea is dumb and yuckky." It's just a bunch of leaves and hot water. It doesn't even taste like anything. 

"Well, I'm going to give my vase to Aunt Ursa. So, how about you make the teapot for my dad? It will be a nice surprise, right?" 

"Uncle Iroh is weird." He blurts out. Zuko looks at Lu Ten, sees both hands moulding the clay, when he feels a punch to his arm. A hard punch. An extremely hard punch. Like a fist shaped rock punched him. 

"Ow!" He yells and rubs the hurting spot. Zuko looks around, but it's just him and Lu Ten under the veranda overlooking the Fireblossom tree. 

Lu Ten looks up with concern. "Did you hurt yourself?" His eyes scan over the array of tools, but they've not been touched. 

"No!" Zuko yells quickly and drops his hand. He's not a baby. He can handle some pain. Besides, his cousin is a soldier. He's tough. So Zuko can be tough too. 

Lu Ten laughs and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, Dad is real silly sometimes. It makes me wonder how he's a general." He picks up a tool and uses it to carve patterns into the clay. 

Zuko watches him while gathering his own clay.

He tries real hard to do what Lu Ten did, so he can start with the tea pot, but his clay keeps flopping down and stretching too thin.

Lu Ten shows him a couple of times how he should move his hands gently and guide the clay. He's a much nicer teacher than the fire sages and he never gets angry when Zuko drops another ball of clay onto the floor.

After a while Zuko's shoulders just sag. What's the point? He's only making himself look stupid in front of his cousin. He sniffs and blinks a couple of times.

Lu Ten is so cool. He can firebend. He's a soldier. He can even make things from clay! And he's been _everywhere_ in the world with Uncle Iroh. 

But Zuko is just a whiny baby that can't even make a stupid tea pot. He doesn't like this game anymore. 

Then there are tiny hands taking his. 

Zuko startles a little. Though they're tiny, the fingers guiding his hands are _strong_ and they tug at him until his hands touch the clay again. 

This time, with the invisible hands' help, Zuko manages to form a teapot. He pokes his tongue out as he focusses on what the tiny hands tell him. Somehow these hands know exactly where and when to push down and to slide over. 

Zuko focusses so hard on copying the movements that he doesn't even notice when the hands go away. 

It's another few minutes until he's done and a smooth teapot sits on the table. 

This time when the fist shaped rock hits him in the shoulder it's not as hard as before and Zuko smiles. 

"I did it!" He throws his arms up, hands gray and sticky. Lu Ten leans over and looks at the clay. 

"That's really good." He sounds surprised.

Zuko feels annoyed. What? His cousin didn't think he could do it? It just makes him even prouder to prove him wrong. 

"Now we just gotta bake it until it's hard." Lu Ten picks up a tool and hands it over to Zuko. "Go ahead and put your name on it. Something that good needs to be signed." 

Enthusiastically, Zuko bends down and starts carving his name into it, pauses, remembers the tiny hands. 

Weeeeeeel... they did kind of help, so he supposes their name should be on here too. But - what is it? 

Zuko smiles and starts to carve.

While carving Zuko tells Lu Ten that he can't firebend yet. His cousin isn't angry or disappointed. He just nods slowly.

"I didn't bend until I was 9." He tells, picking up the teapot and vase, and takes them to a clay oven. 

Zuko knows firebenders never use that oven (why do they need to if they can firebend) but doesn't tell Lu Ten. 

His cousin was probably just tired from soldiering and didn't want to use his firebending to bake his vase. 

Zuko is relieved he doesn't have to bake the teapot himself. 

Also. Lu Ten learned how to firebend when he was 9?! Zuko feels hope in his chest. He still has a couple of years. He can still be just as awesome as his cousin! 

Maybe he's just a late bloomer. Like Lu Ten. 

* * *

"What a handsome teapot!" Uncle Iroh exclaims when Zuko gives it to him later that night. 

Azula is sitting in Uncle's lap, babbling and chewing on Iroh's sleeve.

"I made it!" Zuko rocks back and forth on his heels. 

Iroh turns it over and looks at the inscription. He gives a hearty laugh that comes from deep in his stomach. 

"Thank you, Tough Prince Zuko." Uncle sounds sincere instead of mocking. He even gives a little bow, making Azula laugh and shake her chubby hands. 

Maybe Uncle Iroh's not so bad for an adult. 

Tiny but strong hands clap him on the back and Zuko feels like today went better than all previous family gatherings combined. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to update a different fic first, but I just had to write this. 
> 
> Zuko & Toph are legit for sure brother and sister. Like. Legit. She's just part of the family. That's how it works.  
> Azula? Azula who? No no. It's just Toph. It's always just been her.


	4. Mother's Child is Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa's in trouble, Ozai is lame, she lied about Zuko and now he's being blamed.   
> Azula's too young to feel ashamed  
> about her Father's atrocities  
> because she gets love and Zuko animosity.  
> Iroh's a king, after being dethroned,  
> because he gives Zuko another skill to hone.   
> Ghosts aren't real, but Soulmates sure are,  
> so here comes Suki - she's ready to spar. 
> 
> \- A poem no one asked for.

"Momma, look, look!" Azula yells. 

Ursa stops putting the wrapped bundles of food on the picnic blanket. Azula is standing next to the Turtleduck pond and pointing to the small family swimming over. 

"They must be hungry." She smiles. "Zuko, come here." She beckons with a hand while breaking some bread into pieces.

He keeps standing under the fireblossom tree, just looking at them. 

Zuko doesn't really want to have a picnic. What he wants to do is go practice some more firebending. But mom wouldn't let him after she found him shaking and sweaty in the dojo earlier. 

Azula laughs and pushes both her hands into the water, causing a splash. The baby turtleducks scatter.

He looks away. 

Those hands. It's so unfair. How is she able to firebend already? When he was four he couldn't even make a spark. 

"Owie!" He hears Azula yell.

Looking over, he sees a big turtleduck paddling away and his sister looking at her finger with a frown.

"She didn't like you scaring her babies." Ursa chuckles. Zuko likes that sound. He hasn't heard it in a while. Not since Father got angry with her about something. 

He thinks it's about Mother's soulmate, but isn't sure. The servant lady took him from the room before he could hear them talking more. 

"Duckies dumb!" Azula yells, picks up a rock and throws it as far as her little arm would allow. It plopped into the water right in front of her. 

Zuko likes the turtleducks. Azula is the dumb one! He runs over and pushes his sister into the pond. She needs to chill out!

Behind him Mother gasps.

But Azula doesn't cry or throw a fit. She just sits in the shallow water for a second or two, before pouting. 

"No fair no fair!" She cups water in her tiny palms and throws Zuko with it. 

It lands on his pants. He thinks she was aiming for his head. Hehe. Stupid little baby limbs. 

But then Azula laughs out loud and claps her hands. 

"Zuko pee pee!" She points at him and keeps laughing. 

His face heats up. "N-no! It's just water!" He protests. 

"Pee-pee! Pee-pee!" Azula chants. 

"Okay, you two, how about some lunch? Zuko, you must be hungry after working so hard all day." Mother lifts up a folded food packet. 

Well he did work hard. And he didn't have breakfast (Father was in a bad mood and kept glaring at him) before running off to practice. 

Before eating, Zuko helps Azula out of the pond and watches her carefully as she totters over to Mother. 

She doesn't seem to mind when Azula sits in her lap - soaked with water. Zuko feels a little jealous of Azula, as he sits down and starts to eat. 

After a while the turtleducks come back and Zuko feeds them scraps of bread. Azula sticks her tongue out at them and keeps giving them the fiercest frowns a four year old can manage. 

It's weak. 

The bread devolves to crumbs as he dols out portions to each ducky. It's then that Father shows up. 

"Wasting food on animals again, I see." He sneers.

Zuko puts on a brave face and only tenses a little. He doesn't know what to say so he just... doesn't say anything. If he ignores the problem it will go away, right?

"We were just enjoying our lunch, Ozai." Mother interjects calmly, lifting Azula from her lap. She instantly runs over and hugs Ozai's legs. 

"Daddy!" She beams up at him. Zuko feels ill. 

"There's my little princess." Why does he always smile for her? It's unfair the way his voice softens. Despite her being wet, Ozai picks her up and bounces her a little. Azula giggles, small hands pulling on Father's beard. 

Zuko gets a wrong feeling in his stomach. Like when his body tells him he's about to throw up, only different. Like he can feel something bad about to happen.

"Your presence is demanded in the throne room, Ursa." And nof Father's voice is back to being angry.

Zuko doesn't like the way Mother goes pale. It scares him a little. 

"Whatever for?" She asks. Her voice sounds shaky like his does before he cries. 

"If you wish to discuss political matters in front of the children, I am more than willing to-" Zuko doesn't miss the way Father glances at him while saying the last part.

"The throne room will do." Ursa cuts him off and stands with grace. Father puts Azula down.

Before they leave, Ozai glares at him, "Last I saw you were practicing. Already confident in your abilities?" 

Zuko thinks Father is telling him to go practice again. Which he understands. Break time is over. 

"N-no." He stands quickly. Fathet frowns, gets ready to speak _'No, who?!'_ he probably wants to sneer, because Zuko's being disrespectful, but then -

"Daddy, Daddy, look!" 

And once again Azula attracts Father's attention like a moth to a flame. 

Zuko hates how defeated he feels when Azula takes a step - punches - and shoots fire from her hand right into the pond. 

Steam rises. 

Father praises. 

Zuko runs back to the dojo. He knew he shouldn't have taken that break.

* * *

Zuko doesn't hear Uncle Iroh enter the dojo. He's so zoomed in on his stances that he also doesn't see him sit down and observe. 

"You've improved since the last time I saw you." Uncle's voice, though soft, startles him. 

Zuko wonders if Uncle is being sar- sarcasm. Sarcasimly... one of those things. It's not like he's a natural like Azula. He still can't bend.

"I still can't bend." He admits quietly. Despite Uncle being Father's brother, they're nothing alike. And his ghost friends seem to like him. So he can't be that bad. Will Uncle judge him for not being a firebender yet?

"Your disipline and patience will be great levelers while on your journey to becoming a master, Prince Zuko." 

He doesn't get what Uncle's trying to say, but he likes being called "prince" Zuko. Like he matters. Like he's important. But what kind of prince can't firebend?!

"That's not the point! I can't firebend no matter how hard I try! Even Azula is a better bender than me! And she's four!" He starts pacing, hands flailing. 

"How am I going to be a good ruler if I can't even protect my country? Or my family! What if asas- assasinations come for me? I can't even fight!" 

Zuko flinches when Iroh is suddenly next to him, hands on his shoulders to stop him moving. 

"Nephew, being a leader has nothing to do with how powerful you are, but about the strength of your heart. However. I understand your need to be able to defend yourself. That's why I came here, actually," Uncle chuckles a little before going back to being serious.

"What do you mean?" Zuko looked into Uncle's eyes. They were the same brown-gold as everyone's in the royal family.

"I brought you a master to teach you the art of swordfighting, Prince Zuko."

Only then does Zuko glance over Uncle's shoulder. Standing by the door is an old-ish man wearing weird clothes with a sword on his hip. 

He bows respectfully.

"Prince Zuko, it's an honour to meet you. I am Master Piandao." 

Zuko feels his face heating up. It's an honour to meet... him? Really? And then his face heats up even more. Master Piano saw him freak out like a baby! Oh no.

Face bright red, Zuko returns the bow, like he's been taught is polite. "It's an honour to meet you, sir." Even though he doesn't really know who this man is or why it's an honour to meet him. It just feels like the right thing to say. 

Master Piano just looks at him for a while, then he nods his head like he found his answer.

"You look tired, young lord. Perhaps you should get some rest. You're going to need your energy for your first lesson tomorrow." 

First... lesson? Zuko doesn't like the sound of that. Whenever he gets a lesson, it usually involves little burns and being yelled at. 

"B-but what about my firebending lessons?" Zuko knows Father will be angry if he wastes time on something other than -

"I have spoken to Ozai, and he agreed to these lessons so long as you show improvement." Says Uncle. 

He doesn't say what he should be improving on. But that seems like a problem for another day.

For now, it seems he's got a new master.

* * *

Sword training goes slow, but Zuko understands it more than firebending. Master Piano also teaches differently from the fire sages. He doesn't yell, but he also likes to make Zuko "learn on the job". And by that he means starting swordfights to get Zuko used to thinking on his feet. 

It's weird, but it feels good. 

* * *

He feels the hands on his arm and back while practicing a new from. Zuko freezes and focuses on where the hands direct him. 

They feel gentler than Toughy's hands, stronger than Ripple's, and just a bit smaller than Head Ruffle-person's. But they're real calloused. Like this person's used to working tough jobs all day. Or maybe training?

Is this what's happening?

"Are you helping me with my moves?" The hands tap his shoulder. Zuko figured out what that means. It means yee. 

"Do you know how to do this thing?" Zuko tries to do the move, but flops. He's been trying all day, but the more advanced stuff is just too tricky.

The hands help him up. 

Then they get to work.

The more they train, the happier Zuko feels. It's always lonely, being... alone. He only really has Azula to play with. And maybe Uncle. Lu Ten... wasn't here anymore. 

But he's always had Ripple and Toughy and Hair Ruffle Person. And now he's got another ghost friend! 

And they're so cool! They even showed Zuko some new moves that Master Piano hasn't gotten to yet. 

"Are you a soldier? Or a teacher? Or a royal guard that used to live in the palace?" That must be why they're haunting the place, right? Maybe they died in the line of fire. Like... 

The hands tap him in a weird pattern. 

"You ghosts are all weird! I don't know your tapping things. Only "yes" and "no"." What's so hard about answering one question?" He crosses his arms. 

A finger pokes him in his back. He hates it when people touch him there. Zuko shies away, looks at the ground. Doesn't make a sound. 

The hand rubs his shoulder in apology. 

"I just..." Zuko gathers his strength. There's no harm in telling them these things. It's not like a ghost is going to tell anyone, "I don't like being touched there. It hurts sometimes." 

The hand trails down his arm and hold his hand; squeezing. Like this he can feel the calouses easier. They really must be a soldier to have hands like these. 

"Thank you for being my friend." He whispers. Zuko doesn't want to say it too loud, just in case the ghost doesn't think of him as a friend, but -

Strong arms wrap around him and pull him closer. It feels like his face is being pressed up against a warm shoulder. The hands rub his back. 

This feels nice. 

After a whole day training - and missing Mother's hugs... Zuko sniffs a little. 

This is really nice. 

He wishes Callous wasn't a ghost. 


	5. Mother's Child Is Cultured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peasant: "will you please have respect for-"
> 
> Zuko: "whot, mate?"
> 
> Peasant: "now listen here you little-"
> 
> Zuko: "DADDYYYYY!!!"
> 
> Peasant: 🔥🔥🔥
> 
> Zuko: * Pikachu meme *

"But I don't _like_ surprises!" Zuko whines. 

Ursa smiles and keeps walking. "This is one you'll adore for sure." She says. 

Zuko really doesn't like surprises, but he sees no point in complaining too much. He's outside the palace walls for the whole day and he doesn't have any lessons and he has mother all for himself. 

Azula is too busy practicing with Father anyway. 

"Why does Azula get to practice her bending with Father, but I don't?" He asks, turning wide eyes to Ursa. His shoulders tense when he sees her tiny smile go away. 

He feels bad for making Mother's smile slip a little, but she takes a breath before answering. 

"I suppose he wants to spend some time with her like I'm spending time with you today."

That makes sense. 

"What are we doing again?" Zuko runs ahead then walks backwards while looking at Mother. She sighs a little and he feels his heart beat faster when her smile comes back. 

He made her happy again!

"How about you turn around and see for yourself." She lifts her hand and gestures with an open palm over his shoulder. 

Zuko spins around, world and colours blurring, and overbalances. He trips a little, but rights himself quickly. Behind him Mother giggles a little and he feels his ears burning. 

They're standing in front of an impressive building with an accolade that forms a pair of reverse dragons on each side of a three-centered arch. The door itself has gold trimmings and handles that sparkle in the sun. 

Along the walls of the exterior are rows of blind acrades made from black marble, and decorated with frescoes between each pier. 

Zuko runs up to one and looks at the picture. 

"What's this?" He points to a picture of a woman draped in a white dress, with weird red paint on her face and what looks like fog surrounding her. 

Mother approaches the decorations with much more grace than Zuko. 

"She's called the Painted Lady. She was once a human, just like you and me, but because of her strong connection with the spirits and her love for nature, when she died, she transcended to the spirit world."

Zuko hums. Moves on to the next picture. 

He spends a couple minutes just admiring all the different pictures, when Mother lays a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Come, Zuko. The real surprise waits for us inside." 

"What is it?" He follows her through the big door and into a large room with red fluffy carpets and posters hanging against the walls. 

Big stairs lead up to more doors.

There are lots and lots of people around, just talking. Nobody is looking at them, but Zuko ducks behind Mother and grabs her robes. 

"We're going to see a play called 'Love amongst the dragons'. It's a classic." Mother speaks without turning around to look at him. 

"Dragons? Cool!" Last he heard, Uncle Iroh was the last person to ever see a dragon. Mother wouldn't tell him why he couldn't see a dragon too. But now he can!

Zuko pulls a face, tugs on her robes, and asks, "Eeew, are there gonna be love too?" He sticks his tongue out.

"It's about devotion and love and-" Ursa trails off when Zuko bounds up the stairs without another word. He turns around to face her when he reaches the top.

Zuko waves his hand and rocks on his feet.

"Come on!" He beckons. Mother shakes her head and follows. 

* * *

"-to restore myself back to my glorious form. The Dark Water Spirit dishonoured me cleanly, but now I have found you, my love. To break the curse we must confront the Spirit and-"

Zuko sat forward. This play is so cool! And the dragon lady with the blue mask looks to pretty in her dress. 

"Why was he so mean to her at the start if he loves her so much now?" Zuko asks, looking at Mother to his right.

A couple of people in the row in front of them turn around with a "shhh!". 

Mother puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Because the Dragon Emperor didn't know that she was his soulmate." She whispers close to his ear. It tickles. 

"Howcome? They're perfect for each other!" 

The same people turn around to glare, but Zuko doesn't even notice. Ursa sends them a kind smile and they turn back around to watch the play. 

"I think he didn't notice, because he was too busy trying to break the curse." 

Zuko purses his lips and thinks. _How can someone be so obsessed with something?! It makes no sense!_

"Is it because he's a spirit?" He asks again. The noise of the Hira'a acting troupe fades into the background.

_Spirits don't like humans, so that's why Noran doesn't like her. Or maybe they don't understand what soulmates are?_

And then Zuko just frowns more.

_Do **I** know what soulmates are?_

"Of course not! The spirits blessed us with soulmarks, they know better than all of us the significance of love." Mother wasn't looking at him now, but rather at the play.

Zuko think she's watching the Dragon Emperor in particular. 

"Then why did the spirits put you and Father together?" Zuko knows Mother and Father don't really get along. There's always this heavy feeling between them that he can't explain. 

Mother's shoulders tense up like his do when Father yells at him. 

Uh oh.

He made her unhappy again. What did he say?! He didn't mean to!

"I'm sorry!" He yells out before Mother can get too angry with him. 

"That's it!" Yells the person from the next row over and stands up to face them. "If you won't respect the actors then leave!" A couple other heads turn, the scene on the stage forgotten for a more interesting play. 

"You can't talk to me like that! I'm-" Zuko was just about to say he's the prince of the firenation when Mother grabs his elbow. The words turn to ash in his mouth. 

"Apologies, we'll leave." Mother dips her chin respectfully (not a bow, but she's Fire Lady, people should be bowing to her!) and stands.

They leave.

* * *

Zuko tries to keep his outrage in the entire day. How dare peasants talk to his mother that way?! She didn't even do anything wrong! If he had it his way those dummies would be washing dishes for a month! 

See how they like having hands with wrinkles.

The anger boils and boils until it bursts the lid off his pot.

"You shouldn't have to bow to peasants!" He yells so loud - so loud- that Azula startles and drops her spoon. 

Across the dinner table, Mother pauses, lowering her bite of food.

It's Father's reaction that draws all eyes. 

"What does the boy mean, Ursa?"

Zuko watches mother take her time to dab her lips with a napkin. She folds it primly before adressing Father's question. 

"It's nothing dear, just a little drama at the theatre. Nothing unusual, really." She smiles at her own joke. 

The attempt at easing the tension flies right over his head.

"A bunch of peasants yelled at her and told us to leave! And then we did! And we didn't even get to see the end of the play!" 

Ozai hums, takes a bite of food. 

Azula seems to be in a world of her own, babbling to herself while picking up her spoon and waving it. 

"Don't worry, Zuko, I'll see to it that Ursa's _honour_ is restored." The way he says it makes Zuko frown a little. Father makes it sound super important but as he says it he turns sharp narrowed eyes to Mother. 

"In the meantime, how about we get you some scrolls of different plays? You seem to like them." Father says. 

Zuko beams. 

"Can I get Love amongst the Dragons?" He asks, bouncing slightly. 

Ozai smiles, a small unturn of the lips. 

"Anything for you, Zuko." 

Wow! He gets to see the end of the play now! Well. Technically he's gonna read the end of the play. But still! This is the coolest thing Father has done for him in a while.

Probably because he cares about Mother's honour? It seems really important to him. 

The rest of dinner is quiet, but Zuko doesn't notice the tension. Buzzing with excitement, he finishes his dinner, then races off to bed. 

By the time he crawls under the covers, he's convinced those peasants will be washing dishes for _two_ months.

He sleeps soundly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how I'm setting things up that only have significance in chapters that I haven't written yet 🤣😂


	6. Mother's Child Is Torn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter speaks for itself.

Zuko isn't sure how long he dreamt. He is pulled from his bubble of slumber by a firm hand. He gasps awake like an air pocket popping through a lake. 

"Wha-" he rubs the sleep from his eyes and squints through the darkness. Zuko bolts upright, eyes wide. "Father?" What was he doing in his room?

"Come. You're wasting time." Father says and starts dragging him by the arm. The dark in the hallway outside his room splits slowly and turns to soft grey light.

The pressure on his wrist hurts and with how fast Father is walking, Zuko keeps stumbling in his attempt to keep pace. It irritates Zuko to be dragged around like a dog. He can walk!

But then he looks up at Father - so much taller, with big muscles and an angry look on his face - and doesn't complain. 

"Where are we going?" He asks as submissively as possible. 

"You chose to defend your mother's honour, so I'm making sure you commit to your decision." Ozai leads them to the palace armoury, where two servants are waiting. 

Finally Father lets him go.

Zuko hisses as blood flows back to his fingers. He cradles his wrist, which is an angry red, and watches as the servants dress Father in his royal armour. 

He's not sure what's going on. 

"Dress the boy." Ozai orders. 

The servants bow low, "Yes, Fire Lord."

Zuko watches them scuttle to find a uniform that's tiny enough for him. In the end they settle with something that, after they dressed him, is still too big to fit comfortably. 

The armour doesn't hug him like it should and the helmet keeps slipping down his brow and over his eyes. 

Father doesn't look at him again, keeping his chin high. 

They don't speak another word as they start towards Ozai's destination.

* * *

More soldiers fall into formation behind them as they leave palace grounds. The further and further away they move, the more Zuko's stomach sinks. 

A pressure is building behind his eyes and his ears block out all noise. 

This... is the way to the theatre. 

What is father planning?

When the reach it, the soldiers spread out in a line. Zuko swallows. 

He looks to Father, who is sporting that tiny smile of his. Zuko doesn't think that smile means anything nice anymore. 

"Begin." He orders. 

The soldiers jump into the correct form and blast a wall of fire right at the theatre. 

Zuko's eyes widen as he feels the heat of the flames on his arms, neck, cheeks. The quiet morning air is viciously disturbed, the grey light shattered by an orange glare. 

"No!! Stop!" He grabs Fathers arm and yanks. What's he _doing?!_ Why is he burning the building down?!

But Father doesn't move. He rips his arm free. The violent action pulls Zuko off balance.

"Please don't! You're ruining the pictures!" Zuko spins around and watches the soldiers march closer while shooting flames. 

Beyond the arcades he can see the frescoes turn black, flames creeping down the colours. 

Zuko sees the flames engulf the painted lady... burning her pretty white dress to ash. 

"Leave it, Zuko! They have their orders, as you have yours. Now watch this wretched mockery of Fire Nation culture burn!" 

"No!! The building didn't do anything! It didn't do anything!" Zuko can feel his hands clenching, teeth grinding. This isn't right! Father can't just order people to burn things! 

The pillars groan like a sick lady and buckle. Then the roof falls in and sends sparks and ash everywhere. 

A soldier comes up next to Father.

"Sir, we've apprehended the criminal." Behind the soldier more show up, and with them is the man that yelled at them yesterday. 

"Leave that scum here, Captain. Zuko!" Father yells his name. 

Trembling, for once not in fear, Zuko draws his shoulders back and glares at his Father with all the strength he has.

Zuko looks Ozai in the eyes. And all that bravado extinguishes. 

The colour of the Painted Lady's blood, gorged by smoke, surrounds Ozai like a halo. Sparks drift past like the falling of the petals from the fireblossom tree. 

A deep scowl on Father's face shaddows his eyes. 

"Y-yes, Father?" Zuko _hates_ the way his voice trembles. Father won't hurt him. No matter what. He may shout and be angry, but he's never hit him. Never hurt him.

So why does this feel different?

"Now is your chance to redeem yourself." Says Ozai, slowly, softly.

Zuko gulps. Father's voice sounds way too cheery for what's going on right now. What was he even supposed to redeem for? Uncle Iroh says he's doing great with his weapons training, and that he's improved a lot on his forms for Firebending.

Not just that, but he's learned new moves, too! And he and Azula don't fight all that much, and it's never serious. And he hasn't spoken _that_ much with his ghosts lately not that Father would know about that, but- 

Zuko feels the hands of Callous poking him. She tried to direct him into what Zuko knew was a fighting stance... but why.

He grimaces slightly at the rock solid grip around his arm. Toughy! 

And of course Ripple had to show up too! He feels two cold hands holding onto his shoulders with a firm, and gentle, grip. It's like the coolness of her hands travels up his neck and take away the heat from the flames. 

And Hair-Ruffle... he and Ripple are always together. Okay maybe not always. Hair-Ruffle's hand is on top of Zuko's head. Like a large hand-shaped hat. 

But something isn't right... there's another hand. Splayed over his chest pushing him back. The hands feel tiny, but strong and it's more like air is pushing him back than an actual hand. 

He doesn't know this ghost. 

"Burn this impudent commoner. Teach him a lesson he will _never_ forget." Ozai commands.

The order slides from Zuko's ears and drops down into his stomach like a stone. Father wants him to burn someone? To burn this man because he yelled at Mother? 

"No! That's not right!" Zuko doesn't care if Father is angry with him. He won't hurt someone over something so stupid! 

Ozai's smirk turns to a scowl. 

Zuko feels all the ghosts pull at him. Toughy yanking his arm backward, Hair-Ruffle pulling at his other hand while Callous taps something frantically on his shoulder. 

The new ghost keeps pushing at his chest.

Ripple... well. Zuko feels her move in front of him and hug him for some reason. 

And then Father moves. 

Suddenly his wrist is back in Father's grip and his mouth is next to his ear, sneering:

"You are a disgrace of a firebender. Your infant sister has better controll over her craft than you. I offer you a chance to prove yourself. Only to have you spit on my benevolence." 

Ozai's grip tightens.

Zuko grinds his teeth to keep from crying out. The burning circle around his wrist turns cool. Zuko blinks in realisation. Ripple is helping him. It still hurts, but the cold makes it much more bearable.

Then he feels the other hands. Each one of them. Toughy. Callous. Hair-Ruffle. And the new Air-person. He's not alone. He can stand up to Father. He's not alone. 

"It's not. Right." He's shaking and his heart is racing like a Mongoose-Lizzard. But he won't burn someone. He won't. 

Father's eyes darken and he becomes real quiet. 

"What's right, is for me to decide." He says slowly. Turns around. And glares at the peasant. "Captain. Wipe this man's family off the face of the firenation." 

Just like that the soldiers jump into action. The Captain throws orders around. The man is grabbed and dragged away, kicking and screaming ("please not my wife and child, please have mercy-") 

"And you," Ozai scowls, "you're done wasting time with my lazy brother. I'll personally oversee your training from now."

A soldier steps up to them, holding a wooden crate in his arms.

"We found these in the man's house, sir."

Ozai lets Zuko go and straightens. 

"As promised, Zuko, scrolls of different plays." He waves a hand dismissively and the soldier deposits the crate at their feet. 

"You burned down the theatre, and you're hurting that man and his family, and now you're stealing his stuff!" Zuko's throat closes. He shouldn't have said that. He shoukd have stayed quiet. 

"Your ability to count your words seems to suffer the same affliction as your bending. It's time you learn some controll."


	7. Mother's Child is Reluctant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko imagined meeting a waterbender for the first time would be different. Not like this. Father has other plans.

By the time Father drags Zuko back to the palace, both the theatre and the family have returned to ash and reunited with The Great Agni. 

When they walk into the throne room, Ozai finally releases his hold on Zuko's wrist. If he had energy, Zuko would have cried with relief. 

Father was being all scary. He didn't say anything and he kept frowning and Zuko didn't know what was going on.

Then suddenly more guards show up with an old-looking woman draped in chains. The closer he looks at her the more he sees. 

She doesn't look like she even knows where she is. Eyes dazed, hands limp. What was Father going to do with her? Who is she?

"She's been _trained_?" Father asks dangerously.

A man wearing green and a weird hat nods, without saying a word. 

"Good." Says Ozai.

The man nods, turns around and leaves. 

Zuko watches all of this silently. He clenches his jaw repeatedly. What was Father planning? What was he planning? What was Ozai planning? What-

"I brought you a new teacher, Zuko. One that will teach you the proper firebending forms," Ozai began.

Zuko frowned. "I don't know-" 

"The Fire Lord invites you to teach him," Ozai points at Zuko with a steady hand, "a lesson."

And just like a puppet from the theatre whose strings have been pulled the strange woman comes to life.

Zuko goes cold, suddenly. The type of cold you only get when **_really_** scared. Like when Uncle Iroh told him Lu Ten would never come back. 

And then he starts moving. And it feels wrong. Why are his arms and legs moving? He isn't telling them to! And it hurts! No. Wrong. Wrong. 

Zuko tries to move his pinky, but the more he tries, the more his head hurts. His breathing also feels wrong. Like... like he isn't getting enough air... he can't breathe! He can't breathe!

He feels his throat closing up, his lungs burn for air. From the corner of his right eye, he can see the woman bending - then his body moves. 

Her movements aren't from any Fire bending scroll he's ever seen. Which is every scroll. But then she does this move- moving her hands in a pattern... he's seen that before! It's kinda like a fire bending move...

A sharp pain lances through Zuko's heart like a spear. His body bends forward, legs bendinging, his hands fist and punch forward and-

Nothing.

Zuko knows these moves, they're from the beginner's set. But there's still no firebending. Nothing. 

As soon as the woman relinquishes controll over him, Zuko slumps to the floor, gasping for breath. His fingers clasps onto the cold surface of the firenation uniform. 

His heart won't calm down and is jumping around like a startled bird trying to escape from a net. 

His other arm wobbles and he drops. Zuko gasps for air, head turned sideways. 

"Pathetic." Ozai scolds - harshly - from the throne. Zuko doesn't have the energy to respond. He doesn't even think Father wants him to speak. 

Zuko almost - almost - cries from relief when he feels the hands of his friends touching him all over. Ripple is touching his face gently, Toughy gripping his hand firmly, Callous rubbing his back soothingly, Hair-Ruffle is trying to get him to stand up...

But he doesn't know where Air-person is.

Everything feels wrong. His hands begin to tingle and Zuko can physically feel his blood flow the way it's supposed to.

He never thought he would know how it feels when your blood flows... wrong. 

"Again." Orders Ozai. 

Like a spirit has entered his body, Zuko is possesed by the stanger, and forced to dance to his father's pipes.

The hands of his soulmates move around him as they try to help. They pull at his arms, hug his chest, but none of it works against this stranger's will. 

He's moved into the same position - forced forward - step, turn, step, duck, kick up, kick down, step, punch-

Nothing.

No fire.

Zuko drops again. This time tears fall as he pulls in a desperate breath. His chest heaves as he sucks in breath after breath. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. 

The hands are there again, desperate, conforting. They rub his back, wipe at the tears, hug him, hold him, squeeze his hands encouragingly - but it doesn't help. It doesn't help. It doesn't help!

"He needs to breath. Fire comes from the breath! Again!" Ozai roars. 

Zuko hiccups a sob, seconds before he's grabbed again. 

_step, turn, step, duck, breathe, kick up, kick down, step, punch-_

"Again!"

_step, turn, step, duck, breathe, kick up, breathe, kick down, step, breathe, punch-_

Zuko collapses on the fifth time and curls in on hinself. He wants this to stop. It doesn't feel right. He wants this to _stop_.

When the hands come he shies away; whimpers. The sound reaches his ears and splits the silence like the first snowstorm of winter. The hands go away. 

Feet come into Zuko's view. Father's shoes. He bends down and his bearded face comes into view. 

"Now you see," says Ozai, "that you will learn faster with my methods than any other." He's whispering, kindly, and Zuko believes him. Believes that this will be over once he gets better. 

This... this woman - she can help him learn how to firebend. She can help him find his inner flame. That must be why it hurts, right? The same way his muscles hurt after training a lot? 

Father is helping him.

"You'll be a bender yet, Zuko." Father whispers. 

He'll be a bender. 

"Do you want to keep going?" Ozai smiles.

Zuko says yes.

Or he was on his way to, before he felt that small airy hand again. He shudders. No touching. No touching... 

The hand taps on his shoulder. He knows that pattern. Zuko knows that one. It means... it means... no. 

Air-guy wants him to stop. 

Zuko's still breathing quickly and shallowly, Father waiting for an answer. Will Ozai be mad if he... 

He swallows, and shakes his head (too tired to even say "no"). 

Father is very still for a minute. Then he narrows his eyes. Zuko feels that pressure behind his eyes. He said the wrong thing. He said the wrong thing again. 

Then the throne room doors open. 

Zuko sees Father tense - if he wasn't so close he wouldn't even have seen his shohlders pull up. 

"What are you doing?!" Then there are feet running. Father stands up - steps back. Suddenly soft hands are on his face. Mother. 

She fusses with him, but Zuko stops paying attention. Their voices arguing blends into the background. 

Zuko is tired. His muscles feel tired. His eyes are tired. He's just tired. So he closes his eyes and lets himself drift. 

Faintly he feels Air-guy tapping on his back: "Yes. Yes. Yes."


	8. Mother's Child is Abandoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ozai's making moves  
> Azula approves  
> Zuko is brainwashed  
> Ursa is banished  
> And Uncle has everything to lose.
> 
> \- a poem by Sokka (he'll rock ya)

They are all there when Zuko wakes up. He doesn't feel his soulmates' hands on him - _thank you thank you thank you_ \- but he knows they're all there. 

Soulmates. Not ghosts.

His curtains are drawn and not a shred of light comes through the window. The silence breathes with him. 

Soulmates. Not ghosts.

Zuko doesn't want to get up. He stares at one of his canopy bed's posters. There are little dragons carved masterfully into the wood, spiraling up to the ceiling. 

He senses one of the gho- soulmates - moving closer. There's a pressure hovering over his arm, like she wants to touch him, and Zuko is thankful that Callous respects his space. 

His skin feels sensitive, even the sheets around him feel too much. It's not as bad as yesterday. Yesterday? Earlier today? Zuko shudders. Time is hard to tell when you sleep before bedtime. 

"Sorry," he whispers. Zuko knows they want to touch him. To help. To comfort. But he's too much of a baby to let them touch him. They probably feel like he doesn't like them.

"Are you still my friends?" He asks desperately. Would they want to be friends with someone as _pathetic_ as him?

From what he's seen, all his soulmates are really good at what they do. Zuko can't even do anything.

He can't make Father happy. He can't keep a smile on Mother's face. He couldn't save the theatre man ( _my fault my fault)_ or say the right words to make Uncle Iroh feel less sad...

Lu Ten... Zuko's not like his cousin. 

Zuko thinks that's why Father is trying everything he can to make his son less useless. 

More pressure comes from all sides as his soulmates manoeuvre around him - not touching, but there. 

"I... I thought you were all dead." He whispers, afraid Father would somehow hear him. Father knows everything. Father doesn't like soulmates ( _Azula had a soulmark she had one and Father burned it away_ ).

"Will... will you be my friends forever?" He keeps looking at the beautiful little dragons. Zuko steels himself. Just in case his soulmates go away. 

None of them go away. On the contrary, the atmosphere lightens the same way it does when Zuko is really happy. It becomes easier to breathe and he feels his muscles relax ( _when did he become so tense?_ ). A warmth spreads over him the same way water feels when he dips into a heated spring. 

Despite not hearing them speak, Zuko knows his soulmates answer: "yes".

* * *

Zuko shivers in his chair. Father is at the head of the table, Azula to his left, an empty chair to his right. Zuko swallows his bite of rice while Father isn't looking. 

He's a little scared that Azula is right next to Father, but he hasn't ever seen him be a meanie to his baby sister. If Ozai ever was, then Zuko surely will become a bender real fast. 

His soulmates are there too. He can feel them sitting around the table like they own the place. Except for Callous, she's standing behind his chair like a royal sentry of some sort. 

Zuko smiles a little and takes another bite. Only he knows his soulmates are here. It's cool to have a little secret of his own. Something that Father doesn't know. 

Azula talks to Father in her own broken todler language and shows him a picture she drew. It looks ugly - just a circle and a bunch of lines that don't mean anything. He thinks she tells Father it's a Firehawk. 

He keeps eating while Ozai is distracted. 

Ripple guides his hand to his cup of milk. Zuko picks it up - she pats his hand, withdraws. Below the table, Toughy keeps kicking his feet. It doesn't hurt and Zuko gets the sense that she wants to distract him. 

He kicks back, doesn't hit anything, but war has already been declared. Quickly they start dodging and attacking, retreating, kicking. Toughy puts up a fair challenge. 

Every now and then he glances at Father. Azula keeps his attention. It's like Zuko isn't even at the table-

And then Toughy kicks him - and oh it's on. 

This continues until Hair-Ruffle pushes their legs apart. Zuko freezes for a few seconds, trying to figure out the mood. He's startled when suddenly it's hair ruffle that's kicking him. 

Oh. Round two. 

Fighting against Hair-Ruffle is easier. He doesn't kick as hard and he's way easier to dodge. Is he even putting up a fight? Boo! Zuko kicks real hard. At least Toughy puts up a challenge!

"Zuko! Sit still!" Father roars.

Zuko jumps and snaps his head over to Father. His hands clutch at his chair. Both Father and Azula are looking at him. Oops. 

"Yes, Father." He replies and lowers his eyes to his plate. Zuko feels Father watching him for another minute before he hears Azula start talking again. 

He glances at the pair from the corner of his eye. Yup, they're distracted. He kicks Hair-Ruffle one last time before he feels Ripple guide his hands back to his chopsticks. 

Right. He needs to eat before training. 

Master Piano wants to teach him the advanced set today and he's looking forward to it. Callous might even help him!

In the end, he doesn't mind eating at the table as much as he did before.

* * *

Zuko waits in the dojo for Uncle Iroh to show up before he asks his question. After breakfast he ran up and down looking for Mother ( _she's busy that's why she skipped a meal_ ).

Mother tucked him in last night, so she has to be in the palace somewhere. Uncle knows some things. Maybe he'll know where she is. 

He wants to say thank you for getting him after he and Father finished training yesterday. 

While he waits, Zuko takes off his shoes and shirt until he's only wearing his baju trousers. He starts stretching his legs and arms, jumps up and down to shake loose his muscles. 

The shōji slides open suddenly and bangs harshly against the frame. Four year old Azula totters in - makes a b-line straight to him. 

"Daddy says you're a dumb dumb!" She taunts in a sing song tone.

Her little feet waddle over to the kakemono. Zuko doesn't think she knows how to read, but you wouldn't be able to tell with how intensely she's staring at the scolls. 

"He says you made him make Mommy go away." Her voice drops suddenly. Zuko blinks. 

"I didn't do anything-" he protests.

Azula spins around and glares at him with a pout. 

"Lie! You lie! Zuzu lie!" She runs up to him and shoves him with her little arms. The force behind her running start pushes him a step back. 

She looks pretty proud of pushing her brother, who is two times her size, off balance. 

"I seen! I seen Daddy yesterday when you sleep! He telled Mommy you dumb and can't learn anything. Then she yells and says daddy is wrong, but daddy knews better! He is Fire Lord and telled mommy she won't understand because she isn't royalty."

Zuko shakes his head.

"Isn't! Mother's the Fire Lady! She knows a lot! She knows about spirits and she went to a library once and she knows a lot about theatre and-" he is interupted again when Azula shoves him. 

"Daddy says theatre is dumb like you! It's-it's dumb 'cause, 'cause it lies about our his-story!"

Zuko balls his hands into fists. Azula's just a baby. What does she know? She's never even gone outside the palace walls like big boys do. He's seen the world. He knows a lot. And Father even got him plays, so she's obviously lying about Father saying theatre is dumb. 

"I'm going to tell Mother your spreading lies!" He yells, face red. He won't believe her. 

"Good luck. Daddy says she's playing Hide and seek!" She's screaming now too, but Zuko's eyes widen as he sees her lip wobble. 

Oh no! He didn't want to make her cry! 

"Wait, 'Zula." He begins, but she spins around and runs away before he can even step forward. 

* * *

After practice, Zuko spends an hour before Lunch looking for Mother. He even asks the servants if they've seen her, but they just shake their heads and get a weird look on their face. 

Then he gives up and goes to his room to read. 

* * *

Zuko likes this. He's sitting on his bed, curtains wide open to let in the light as he reads. Around him he can feel his soulmates (all five of them - **_five_**!) moving around, shifting. Like they're playing a game among themselves.

They don't bother him, but Air-guy keeps trying to get him to play along. He'll rather read, thank you. 

The atmosphere is buzzing with a light-hearted contentment. 

Zuko is halfway through a play about Monks working together to defeat this thing called Amanojaku who keeps making people do bad things, when Father comes into his room.

"Time for training." He declares. 

Zuko swallows, but puts away his scrolls and stands up. He clenches and unclenches his hands repeatedly to make them stop shaking. 

He misses the way Father sneers at his scrolls, but Ozai says nothing. Just waiting for Zuko to hurry up. Training. He'll be a bender. Father knows best. 

Zuko ignores the hands of his soulmates as they try to drag him back. It's not like he can skip training. Father's word is law. Literally.

He follows Father to the throne room, shaking all the way. Looks like his training sessions are going to be a regular thing. 

Zuko swallows again. Uncle said discipline will get him far. Father probably taught that to Uncle. Father knows what he's doing. He has to. How else did he become the leader of the strongest nation in the world? 

But why do his soulmates disagree?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 1 more chapter left then Act 1 is done.


	9. Mother's Child is Different Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three candles on a  
> Sill. Fingers snuff; white snow puffs  
> Wax on sill. One can-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my fucking god. I'm so sorry.

Ozai's training only escalates in the following months. 

At first they train for one hour three times a week, but when Zuko still shows no signs of firebending, Father demands more training. 

After that they train every day a week. Ozai pushes and pushes until Zuko collapses.

Only to leave with an angry huff.

As weeks pass Ozai becomes more frustrated. Azula had started training (not the same as Zuko's, because she can actually bend) and already she's surpassing lessons Zuko took years to learn. 

Some days she'll even run up to him just to brag about her skills. Then she'll laugh at him when he tries to copy her, only to fall on his ass. 

His failure to keep up with his younger sister only intensifies Zuko's shame. No matter how much he practices each day he doesn't get any better.

Even after Father leaves Zuko forces himself to get up and keep on practicing.

At least he only has to train with that old woman once a month. He'll show Father that he can improve. That they don't really need her.

He pushes forward.

His soulmates often left ignored.

* * *

"What's so hard to understand, Zuko? Breathe before executing the attack! How hard is that?" Ozai stands from his throne.

Zuko pants, bent over knees. Sweat drips down his forehead and he can't make his hands stop shaking. 

Every now and then his arm gives a sudden jerk. 

They've been practicing since the second the sun set. Which is really weird. Zuko was taught that Agni blesses firebenders with power through the sun. It doesn't make sense! 

Maybe it's because the old woman is here. He hates her. Hates that she forces him to move when he doesn't want to. 

Zuko shudders. He can't... he can't breath right. 

His soulmates are there. He feels ripple working to cool down his forehead and air-guy helping him to normalize his breaths.

Zuko feels calmer when he tries to follow air-guy's pattern.

1... 3...5... no he's skipping breaths

7 -8-9- no wait slow down.

Eventually his heart gets back to normal and each breath isn't a challenge. Zuko sags in relief.

He doesn't see Father approaching, but he hears his voice as he gets closer.

"What if I was wrong," Ozai begins, voice an echo of someone having an... epper-pepper... E-puff-imy... something like that. 

Zuko listens dutifully.

"Tell me, Hannah, do you know the purpose of blood?" Father asks the woman, frowning a little, looking at a spot in the distance. 

"Any waterbender worth their salt knows the human body well." She replies. 

Zuko swallows at the sound of her voice. It sounds like... Hannah's been practicing a script, but her acting is really really bad. 

"Then tell me; your body sends messages to your brain, correct." Ozai ponders, stroking his beard. 

"Nerves, connections, senation, signals - yes."

"Then it only stands to reason, that your brain decides whether or not to bend." Father circles around Zuko, his robes swishing and silk flapping. 

Zuko follows his father's movements with his eyes, still bent over trying to force his body to stop shaking. 

The woman speaks not. 

"Alter his blood circulation to his brain. See if that gets him to bend." Ozai orders, and marches back to his throne.

Zuko doesn't even have time to blink before he feels all the blood in his body _move_ and it feels wrong. He's forced into doing the same Kata they've been practicing the past week. 

He feels the woman force his body to breathe, step forward, punch - 

Then the world tilts and spots dance across his vision. Suddenly his head feels heavier - lighter - and starts tingling. He feels dizzy and he can't stop swaying. 

A flash of light appears.

And as quickly as he started moving, Zuko drops to the floor, shaking. His stomach rolls and he feels a burn move up his throat. 

"Finally!" Father exclaims. His voice penetrates through the ringing in Zuko's ears. "After all this time we have _results_!"

Zuko shivers, a cold unlike any before moves through his every vein. His arms twitch, fingers as well, and his leg won't stop jerking.

"I realise now that the problem all along was your discipline, Zuko. I see now - you did not grasp the importance of breathing through your katas." 

Father's voice tides in and out. He stops listening alltogether when the ringing in his ears become too loud. 

Are they done now? Father sounds happy. He did it! He can finally firebend. 

Zuko feels tears escape him. He's a bender. 

His skin feels too sensitive for the hands swarming onto him. His muscles feel too tired to move away. Tiny hands. Cool hands. Calloused hands. Strong hands. Fluttery hands. 

He just shivers more, closes his eyes, and breathes out. 

* * *

Zuko tries to act normal around Master Piano when they have their lessons. It's really hard to make his hands stop twitching when holding the swords. Not to mention his head wants to jerk to the side at random times. 

More than once he sees his master frown and look at him with a... thinking-very-hard look. 

It's during those times that he feels Head-Ruffle pushing his shoulders towards the man. For some reason. 

He just ducks his head and tries harder not to be so weird. 

* * *

It's been a while since Uncle Iroh came to visit. Zuko thought he was at Ember Island for a vacation after Lu Ten died. Maybe he just missed his brother?

When Zuko sees Uncle again, he frowns and his lips turn down. While he was here, working himself to the point of collapsing, it seems that Uncle was tasting every piece of food in the firenation.

He wants to say it - "you're fat, Uncle!" - but he bites his tongue. Father doesn't like it when he speaks these days. Zuko doesn't blame him. He is saying stupid things more and more often.

* * *

Father pulls him from his sword training class one day and sends him to the throne room. 

Zuko swallows and nods.

He hesitates when Father doesn't follow him. Quickly he rushes to hide around the corner of the Dojo. 

Inside Father and Master Piano are already mid-sentence.

"- practice, Fire Lord Ozai."

"Your services are no longer required, Piandao."

Zuko frowns. Does that mean...

"I've noticed Prince Zuko acting different. Perhaps learning firebending has changed him."

"Perhaps he's realised it's unseemly for a bender to use weapons." Father sneered. 

Zuko's eyes go wide. Unseemly? But Uncle Iroh said... Uncle Iroh. And now Zuko's frowning. That old man is lazy and fat. He's probably the one that got Lu Ten killed. Good benders don't use weapons... 

He's a firebender now. He doesn't need swords. Uncle was wrong. Besides. Now he'll be able to improve his bending. He can't waste time on stupid things. 

Zuko leaves for the throne room. 

When he gets there a Fire Sage is waiting for him. He only has a moment to be confused before he's ordered to start training.

Father doesn't show up. 

* * *

Zuko hides the pinky sized burns on his shoulders pretty well. All he has to do is put on his shirt after practices and not move too much or it'll hurt. He isn't good yet with hiding his expressions. 

At dinner he tries to fade away. He lets Uncle tell his stories. He ignores Azula when she kicks him under the table. Nods when Father asks him if he's making progress with his lessons. 

Ignores Ripple when she tries to get him to eat more than a few bites. 

He's not hungry anyway. 

* * *

He tucks the plays under his bed. Romances, adventures, comedies. They're not fun to read anymore. Instead he focusses on the material his teachers bring.

History, politics, etiquette. 

Things he needs more than some stupid scripts full of spirits and baby stories. 

Zuko starts reading war stories. He likes to memorize the lines of great generals, to imprint their words into his brain and to make them his own. 

He thinks his soulmates ignore him when he does this. They show up less and less. Not that it matters. It doesn't. He's too busy with his studies to mess around with them, anyway. 

There's nothing they can do to help. Not really. 

* * *

He doesn't have training with Hannah anymore, but Father still checks up on his progress once a month. 

Azula is also there. 

Zuko thinks it's so Father can compare the magnificent with the mediocre.

* * *

"No no no! You have to stay there!" Azula frowns and shoves him back until he's at the edge of the pond. 

Zuko blinks. 

"But we're playing tag! How am I supposed to-" 

Azula rolls her eyes at him and that makes his shut his mouth. 

"It's because you make sure we don't break the rules, dumb dumb! It's very important!" She nods to herself then runs back to Mai and Ty Lee. 

Zuko huffs and sits down. Ty Lee smiles and waves at him, but Mai just glances at him before looking away. 

This stinks! All he gets to do is sit down and watch them have fun. As he watches them run around, Zuko starts pulling blades of grass from the ground and making a small pile with them.

Ty Lee is really good with staying away from Mai. She bends backwards like a noodle over a fork then lands back on her feet. But Mai is very fast and soon she slapped Ty Lee on the shoulder. 

Instantly she starts going after Azula. His sister puts up a good challenge, tricking Ty Lee into tripping over rocks, but eventually she gets tagged. 

"I'm bored." Azula declares and flips her hair over her shoulder. Mai, who always looks bored, just rolls her eyes. 

"How about we-" Ty Lee chirps in.

"Good idea, Ty," Azula cuts her off and glances at him.

Zuko sits up straight and brushes his hand on his pants. Does he get to play with now? He watches his sister whisper something to both her friends, making Mai huff and Ty Lee giggle. 

He stands up when Azula comes closer.

"We're gonna play hide and seek! Mai will cound while the rest of us go hide. First one to be caught is a dummy!" 

Zuko listens to every word with wide eyes. "What's the rules?" He needs to know, right?

Azula blows a strand of hair from her face and crosses her arms. "No hiding in the throne room or Dojo." She says eventually. 

That makes sense. Father doesn't need them bothering his work and the Dojo isn't a place to have fun. 

So he nods.

Azula gives a sharp smile and turns to the gloomy girl who still looks bored. 

"You have to count to five hundred!" She orders before giving Ty Lee a weird look. "Let's go!" And then they were running off.

Zuko looks with wide eyes between his sister and her friend running away and Mai who closes her eyes and starts counting out loud. 

Oh! The game started! Where was he going to hide? Maybe under his bed? No that'll be the first place Mai will look at. 

How about in the kitchens? It's too 'stinky' down there for Mai's taste... hmmm. Or maybe-

And then there's a soft hand touching his wrist.

Zuko startles so badly he takes a step back, almost tripping. With a jumping heart and big eyes he looks up. 

Mai is standing very still, hand still up, staring at him with drawn eyebrows. 

He swallows as his heart drops.

"I lost already?" He asks in a small voice, afraid that if he speaks louder she might hear the shakiness. Zuko knows what happens if he fails. What will Azula do when she finds-

"Humph, you can't lose a game I'm not even playing." She flat tones, voice a bored drawl. 

Zuko blinks a couple times. What does she mean? He doesn't really understand. Weren't they playing hide and seek? Azula said they were. 

"I don't... did the rules change?" He frowns a little. How is he supposed to know if Azula changed the rules?! This isn't fair! 

Mai just tilts her head and frowns more. She slowly puts her hands in her sleeves and turns away from him a little. 

"No... I just don't want to play her dumb game." 

Zuko... doesn't know what to say. He never really thought about the games Azula chooses to play. He's always just glad to have someone to play with. But if Mai doesn't want to play, maybe they can do something else?

"Then what do you want to play?" He asks, and starts fidgeting with his fingers. He picks at the corners of his left thumb with his fingernails, until Mai snaps him out of it. 

"I don't know, something less stupid and pointless, I guess." She huffs again and flips her long black hair over her shoulder.

Zuko looks at the clean strands spilling over the rim of her shoulder like ink from the lip of a well. 

"Uhm, well, we could - uhm." Zuko thinks of a couple things he does for fun, "We could go read?" He asks it, instead of suggesting it. 

Mai just lifts an eyebrow. 

"And how is reading less boring?" She snaps.

"I dunno!" Zuko screams and throws his arms out, "Sometimes the people get their fingers sliced off or something," he mumbles, dejected. He doesn't really know what else to suggest. 

That's why Azula is better at coming up with games.

"Ugh, fine, whatever. As long as I don't have to be in the sun anymore." She grumblesand starts walking inside. 

Zuko beams. Yes! He came up with a game! Quickly, he runs ahead of her. 

"Come on! I'll show you this really cool one with these warrior oni who use hidden weapons to-" Zuko trails off as they walk back to his room. 

They spent about two hours just reading plays, undisturbed. When Mai finally breaks the silence with a question.

"Why do you keep twitching like that?"

Zuko didn't expect it at all, and didn't know what to say. He didn't even realise he was twitching. So he just shrugged and avoided her eyes. 

"If you're cold or something just say so. Sheesh, you benders are so dependent on the sun." She rolls her eyes and stands up - going to the curtains before janking them open.

Sunlight floods the room and warmth beams onto his arms. Zuko squints against the sudden brightness and sees Mai recoiling as if disgusted.

He thinks it's just all for show. A lot of characters in the plays sometimes pretend to hate something they love, because they don't want their enemies to use what they love against them. 

Mai isn't a play character, Zuko reminds himself. Life is more complicated than that. 

"There, feel better?" She bites out, almost challenging him to lie. 

"Yes! Thank you!" He rushes out quickly before she can get annoyed. She only huffs and sits back down - going back to her play. 

This time Zuko pays more attention to keeping his movements in check. 


	10. Mother's Child is Different Part 2

Zuko couldn't focus on the story anymore, and he kept peering at Mai. She was completely focused on her book, bangs falling across her forehead, hiding a tiny frown of concentration. 

He liked looking at her lips and how they mouthed the words she was reading. 

"Do you have a soulmate?" He blurted out. Zuko felt his neck heat up from embarrassment. 

Mai lifted an eyebrow and looked at him. 

They just stared at eachother, neither knowing where to go. Eventually Mai blew out a breath and put her book down, leaning back on her hands. 

"I did." She says softly, almost reluctantly. 

"What happened?" Something tells him that if he didn't push for an answer she would leave it at that. 

She narrows her eyes at him, and just by looking at her he knows she's doing math. It's the same look Azula gets when she thinks of a game for them to play. He tries not to shudder. 

Mai bends forwards and slips off her shoe, shows him the sole of her foot. 

Zuko leans forwards and squints. On her heel is a coin-sized mark, as black as the hair on their heads. 

His stomach drops out. 

"A year ago I felt a pain unlike anything before. Worse than being sliced by my daggers or having boiling water spill onto my hands." Slowly she put her shoe back on. 

Zuko swallows. He knows what it feels like to be burned. It's... 

"Oh." He mutters, not really sure what to say. 

"I used to feel them." Mai keeps going, "they got me into figting and learning how to throw." She takes a dagger from her sleeve and looks at the polished blade. 

"Well... you - you're not bad, at throwing stuff. And, uh, being cool." 

Why? Whyyyyyyyyy, for the love of Agni, does he suck so much with being normal?! Zuko really wants to crawl into a clay oven right now. 

Mai surprises him by smiling. It's a little smile, but for Mai - it's majestic. Zuko's heart skips a beat. He made her smile? His arm twitches involuntarily. 

"What about you?" She asks.

The question is supposed to make him uncomfortable, but it doesn't. Maybe it's because Mai understands that soulmates are special, maybe it's just because he likes her smile - but excitement sparks through his veins. 

"I've got five of them! And they're super awesome and they like everything I like and they're always around and there's this one who has cold hands that make everything better and then there's this one who's really good at fighting-" Zuko jumps up and demonstrates the stance Callous taught him.

Mai leans back, eyes wide, and looks on. 

"And then- then there's this one and she punches really hard, but I kinda like it, and she helped me make a teapot for Uncle once!" He moves his hands to vaguely show how he moulded putty. 

"Then there's this one who has HUGE hands that likes showing me how to make pictures, but I don't think he's good at it." Zuko falls flat on his stomach and reaches under his bed to pull out a box full of drawings. 

He shows one to Mai, who gingerly takes the paper. 

"It's a - hat?" She guesses blandly.

Zuko rips the paper from her hands, flips in over, then pushes it back at her. 

"It's a boat!" He defends, reaching for more papers. 

"Well I see what you mean. He's not good at drawing at all." She drops the paper and it lands face down.

Zuko feels a little angry, but he's not sure why, so he just ignores it. Mai doesn't sound like she's being mean, so it's probably okay. 

"Can I see?" She asks, hesitantly, and avoids looking at him. Zuko blinks, slowly bringing up another drawing. Mai gently pushes his hands down. "No - I mean - can I see your soulmarks?" Instantly cold shoots through him and it feels like Hanna is controlling him again. He backs away a step or two then sits down when his legs betray him. She's looking at him now with wide eyes. He can feel his hands shaking, the paper in his hands crumpling. 

No. A voice whispers in his head. No. He - he doesn't want to. 

"It's okay, you don't have to. I get it, you know. They're private." Mai consoles.

Slowly, her words soothe his beating heart like the hands of Ripple, until he feels calm enough to take a shuddering breath. 

"I'm sorry." He whispers, drained.

Mai shrugs, casually, and stands up. "Not like you did anything wrong. Anyway, we should get going before your sister comes looking for us." She rolls her eyes and goes for the door. Zuko watches her leave, staying seated on the ground, clutching the paper to his chest while his heart calms down. 

And then the thought comes to him - why wasn't Mai's soulmark burned off?

* * *

Over the next year, Mai and Ty Lee come to visit regularly. Sometimes he's dragged into playing with them by Azula, other times he manages to escape before he can become the butt of her jokes. 

Uncle walks the halls much like a ghost and keeps mostly to himself.

The Fire Sages keep teaching him, getting more and more frustrated by Zuko's inability to perform on the same level as Azula. More than once he hears his teachers bringing their complaints to Father. 

It all comes to a head a month after his thirteenth birthday.

* * *

"Stop trying so hard, dumb-dumb, you're too stiff!" Azula complains and shoots another ball of fire at him.

Zuko deflects it exactly as he's been taught, but he's too slow and suddenly his sister is in front of him, dislodging his stance with her foot, grabbing his shirt and holding her fist up to his face.

If this was a real fight, he's sure he would be shot full of fire right about now. Considering who he's fighting against, it's a wonder he hasn't been burned yet. He breathes heavily, sweat going from his brow right into his eye. 

Then she lets him go and he drops to the ground like a sack of cabbages. 

"Oof!" He huffs as he lands. His voice bouncing off the walls of the throne room.

"Excellent form, Azula, you may leave for the day. Zuko - I have a special lesson planned for you." Ozai states.

Azula stands straighter and shoots a sly smile at him. "Looks like you don't get to come with me and Uncle to see the new war ships!" She brags, primly turns on her heel then heads for the doors. He looks at her walk away, before his attention is grabbed by Father approaching.

Quickly he stands up, eyes glued to those of the Fire Lord. 

Behind him he hears curtains rustle. 

"I've given you enough time to improve, Zuko, but you've disappointed me for the last time." He stops a foot away from him.

Behind Father some soldiers walk in, carrying a wooden box. They put it down on a raised platform before going away. What was happening?

A stone drops into his stomach. The last time Father came up with an idea to improve his bending he got stuck with twitches that won't go away. 

"I - I can do better! S-since last time I've improved a lot a-and I can bend now, and- and I almost beat Azula this time, I just-" _I can't fight so well when I can't stop shaking_. He can't finish his sentence, Father will get angry and think he's blaming him. 

Father chuckles. "You? Beat Azula? Please. She was born talented, you were just a disgrace from day one. Lesson after lesson we have to repeat the same principles, and still you don't _learn_ , Zuko. It's dishonourable to blame your sister for your shortcomings."

He didn't say that! Azula helps him with his bending! She even gives him advice sometimes and practices with him! If it weren't for her he wouldn't have improved so quickly. 

"Please, Father, I-" What? He what? Father's right. His bending still isn't good enough yet. He might as well be a non-bender like Mai and Ty Lee with the amount of skills he has. It makes him sick to admit it, but at least the Fire Lord's previous methods got him to bend.

Whatever he has planned - it could help? Despite this, his hands won't stop shaking and his heart keep beating a mile a minute. 

"No more, Zuko. If this doesn't work, then nothing will. You will learn to be a proper bender, or you have failed me for the last time." Then as quick as a viper, Father grabs his arm and drags his shaking body over to the box.

The closer they get, the more blood drains from Zuko's face. He knows that's not a box - it looks too polished and is shaped differently. It's a coffin. The type they put Lu Ten in at his funeral. 

It doesn't even occur to Zuko to struggle, too paralyzed with fear.

Father opens the lid, a single tiny hole on the top, then lifts him from his feet and dumps him inside.

Zuko is shaking like a leaf as he lifts pleading eyes to his Father. Angry golden eyes glare back remorselessly. From within his robes he takes a straw, throwing it onto Zuko's chest. 

"Firebending comes from the breath," He starts, voice menacing and cold as ice, "It's time you learn control." 

The last thing Zuko sees is Father's downturned mouth and angry lines cutting his face, before the lid is slammed shut and darkness surrounds him. Outside he hears what sounds like latches being locked. 

Hands trembling, his mind finally kicks to life. Zuko punches the roof of the box, hands hurting from the force. 

"No! Let me out! Please! Please! I'll try harder, Father, please! I'm sorry! Let me out, _please_." His voice cracks embarrassingly on the last word. Fruitlessly he starts kicking, his shoes the only buffer to keep his toes from breaking. The silence is broken only by his panicked breaths.

He can't hear his Father - he can't hear anything - can't see anything other than a slit of light coming from the tiny, tiny hole. The straw on his chest rolls off, forgotten.

Tired from his training and his useless struggling, Zuko sinks into the velvet material beneath him, breaths becoming shorter and shorter. 

Soon it's the only thing he can focus on. It becomes warm in the small space. Zuko tries to get a full breath of air, but it becomes harder and harder.

If he heats up his hands, maybe he can burn through the wood and get out? He lifts a shaking palm and focusses on warming it up without creating a flame, but it doesn't work, he just struggles to breathe even more.

Zuko drops his hand and tries to suck in a deep breath. He needs more oxygen to create heat, but -but he - his head becomes floaty.

It takes a monumental amount of effort to lift his head and put his mouth over the tiny hole. He sucks in air desperately, but there's not much coming through the tiny hole. 

The longer he has to keep his head up, the heavier it gets. 

Another second and it's like his body drags up the last of it's strength. Zuko starts clawing desperately at the lid, eyes closed. His fingernails scratch in vain, until he feels then crack and blood start flowing down his fingers.

Tears jump into his eyes. He needs to - he needs to - spots dance behind his eyelids and his ears begin to sing. His chest keeps heaving desperately for air that just won't come. 

_Agni, please, please, why me? What did I do?_

Both his arms fall like stone pillars. Zuko doesn't know how much time passed. Each second feels like an hour and soon his thoughts slow down and all he can focus on his getting his next breath. His vision starts dancing and suddenly he's not in the coffin anymore.

He's back at the turtleduck pond, and he's tiny. All the colours are brighter - different. The fireblossom tree is a bright blue and the water is a deep purple.

He looks around, above him there are clouds - a calm green - that look like giant palm leaves. When he looks down there are tiny dragons being carried on palanquins by grinning Tiger Monkeys.

Zuko runs towards the water, being the size of an ant it feels like running across a field - the grass around him the colour of blood.

He drops to his knees at the edge and stares into the water. Large round eyes stare back at him, a face with a beak and feathers...

And then he takes a deep breath - recoils - and then there's light shining down into his eyes.

Hands grab at his shoulders and lift. 

Zuko feels cold, the hands feel too warm, and suddenly his hearing comes back. Through the ringing he can hear someone yelling. 

"Mother?" He croaks, or he thinks he does. Honestly he's too busy sucking in air to be able to speak.

Finally he opens his eyes. Above him brown eyes frown in concern.

"Zuzu? Can you hear me?" 

Azula? Is that Azula? He looks passed her to the roof. Where did the pretty orange sky go? And the green clouds? Did he fall into the pond?

"Come on, dumb-dumb, look at me." Tiny hands touch his face. 

Zuko doesn't want to - he doesn't want to look at, there's. The roof. He's waiting for it to turn to clouds. He doesn't like the throne room. He wants to see the Tiger Monkeys smile. 

Cool flows over his head like rain. Hands both strong and gentle grip his shoulders. Something soft lies down over his chest. 

The ringing in his ears go away slowly - slowly. And through his raspy desperate breaths he can hear Azula yelling for Uncle through a tearful voice. 

Blood buzzing, he can't even move an inch. He can't even get his thoughts straight. All he wants is to go back to the purple pond. Where everything was more colourful, and his Father nowhere to be seen. 

* * *

End Act 1


	11. Father's Child Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula is not okay.
> 
> (Interlude 1)

Azula's head is spinning. Zuko was in the weird box for a long time. She watches from behind the curtains, could hear him yelling and hitting, but doesn't know what to do.

Father leaves after watching the box for ten minutes. The whole time she can't take her eyes from the tiny smile on his face. And as soon as he's gone she rushes over to where he locked her brother. 

It was really quiet. 

She couldn't hear him screaming or banging in his pathetic little way. 

There's a tiny hand on her shoulder, squeezing, and she tries to ignore the way it pushes her to do something. 

She knows about soulmates. She knows enough to understand Father doesn't like them. Azula also knows that her soulmate is still alive. Despite her mark being burned off. 

She curls her hand into a fist. 

Should she open the box like her soulmate wants? Or should she leave her brother where Father wants him to be?

Her heart beats faster and faster and she moves away from the invisible hand. 

"Leave me alone! I need to think!" She screams and grabs her head. 

If she lets Zuko out, Father will be disappointed in her. Just like he is with her brother. She can't be like him. Like a failure. 

But the silence that presses down on the throne room scares her. She _hates_ it when Zu-Zu gets silent. He always has a sad - pathetic - little look on his face whenever he gets in one of his silent moods. 

This doesn't feel right. This is different from when he stops talking to prevent saying something stupid.

_He always says stupid things._

A voice whispers. 

Azula likes it when Zuko says stupid things. It makes her feel smarter. 

"Fine! I'll let you out, but only because it's boring playing only with Ty Lee and Mai!" She lies to herself and unclasps the box.

The moment the lid is open, she feels her face go blank at the sight. How is she supposed to feel about Zuko, eyes closed, barely breathing?

The top of the lid is full of scratch marks and there's blood everywhere. Blood. 

Azula stares at it, her mind dragging her to the time Father took her to the dungeons. It was fun - seeing what happens to traitors of the Fire Nation. 

Is Zuko a traitor?

Is she a traitor?

_Blame it on someone else._

Azula takes a deep breath. She won't let Father figure out she's the one who let Zuko out of his lesson early. 

That hand is on her shoulder again. Her soulmate. The traitor. The one who made her open the box. She can't blame a phantom. But she can blame someone who's already pretty useless. 

So, Azula pinches her arm until tears spring into her eyes. She thinks about sad things, like Mother leaving, Lu Ten dying... and soon enough her face is covered in tears. 

Using every muscle she has, she drags Zuko from the box and starts screaming for Uncle. 

_He's waiting just outside._

_You were supposed to see cool ships._

While waiting for him to come in, she looks at Zu-Zu. It scares her a little - the way he's looking at nothing, how his eyes are empty. How he isn't breathing right. How cold he is. 

Her heart doesn't feel so good. 

_Don't be a weakling._

_He'll be fine._

She hears the throne room doors open and Uncle running closer. She drops Zuko and moves away from him - letting Uncle take over. 

There's nothing else for her to do here. 

* * *

Azula stands at Father's right hand as they watch Uncle and Zuko sail away on The Wani. It was her suggestion to give the two useless benders a useless ship.

_"It's only fitting, Father, for them to have an outdated ship to chase after an outdated goal."_

Father had laughed and complimented her for the brilliant idea. 

She's a little angry that he didn't ask her to search for the Avatar. He told her that the pursuit would never bear fruit. She's smart enough to know what his words mean. Zuko and his stupid little brain wouldn't ever understand. 

Father never wants them to come back. 

Soon she'll be the Firelord and Zuko will only be a footnote in history. 

Her soulmate hugs her, caresses her face, then goes away.

Good. She doesn't need comfort. She's happy Zuko is gone. She is. 

Now she has Father all for herself. 

* * *

The next day Father anounces she's being sent to the best boarding school in the Fire Nation with Ty Lee and Mai. 

She swallows her bitterness.

_Only the best education_

_for the best daughter._

Now Father will have more time to focus on the war. 

* * *

Boarding school is fun. She learns quickly how to get her way. 

At the palace everybody jumps to obey, but here she has to be sneaky. Or she'll never gets what she wants.

She reads a lot of books on body language and tactics. It's not so hard. Sure she stays up late and misses a few meals, but that's okay. Her soulmate likes studying as well. 

They like the books and the quiet of the library. More than once her soulmate guides her to history books about other nations. There's helpful strategies to be found in there. Particularly if she wants to succeed where her Uncle failed.

Ba Sing Se is rich with culture. Etiquette and clothing differences. All these things seem important, so she studies well.

Her soulmate isn't entirely useless.

It's almost nice, the time they spend alone.

The thought of staying here forever crosses her mind.

Once.

But she banishes it faster than Father did Zuko and Uncle. She'll be Firelord one day. The throne belongs to her. She has to go back eventually.

* * *

She recieves many letters from home. Father complementing her on her exceptional marks in school as well as her bending performance and improvement.

Until one day she recieves a letter different from the others. The Firehawk that brings it to her room's window is unfamiliar. It's feathers unpreened and talons dull. 

An unimpressive creature. 

The letter it brings almost makes her hands shake. The writing is ugly, like that of an illiterate child, and the sentences stumble and fall like a todler learning to walk. 

_We make good tide and go fast to South Cold. Nothing never good happen here. Very cold and Uncle snore loud - sound like enjine of b-ship, no go fast ugly thing very stupid slow. Old broken. Want to come home._

_\- Zuko_

Azula holds the letter up between her thumb and forefinger. She lifts her other hand below it, feels the heat rise in her palm - warmer than ever before. 

The flame she makes isn't red. Her eyes go so wide she drops the letter just to stare at the blue she made. 

She closes her hand and snuffs the flame. 

Stupid Zuko and his stupid letter. She picks it up and stuffs it under her pillow. He won't come home. Not before her. 

_You're the favourite._

_You're the wielder of blue fire._

_Zuko is the wielder of nothing._

Her soulmate hugs her from behind. Azula lets herself be held in the quiet of her room. Three years is a long time to be away from home. But she's ready to go back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the small chapter. But I will admit it was very fun to write a different P.O.V, especially Azula's.  
> She's an educationally intriguing character.
> 
> Until next time ✌


	12. Father's Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Interlude 2)

Iroh has to take a deep breath before he gets up. The bed beneath him isn't as soft as the ones back at the palace. His back has handled worse, especially during his six hundred day siege many moons ago. At least there are no rocks poking him in uncomfortable places. 

When he sits up, he takes another deep breath. Outside his little room he can already hear the crew calling out orders. Just another normal day for them. 

_Calm yourself_. He orders, already feeling a rage bubbling in his stomach. _You are of no use to your nephew without a level head._

While dressing he thinks of all the wonderful things he can show Zuko today. It helps to distract him from his utter hatred for Ozai.

_Northern Lights._

_Jasmine tea._

_Pai sho tiles._

_Dao blades crafted by Piandao as a gift._

_Silver Wisteria from the turtleduck pond._

He takes another deep breath, before pushing open his door and starting his decent to Zuko's room. 

* * *

His nephew is in a sour mood, and it shows in the way he glares at the crew. Whenever someone looks at him, however, Zuko glances away - but the frown still stays. 

"Your tea is getting cold, Prince Zuko." He gently tries to distract.

"Cold always, anyway. It is nothing warm on dumb boat!" He yells and levels his angry look on Iroh. 

Iroh closes his eyes, slowly takes a sip from his cup, and hums soothingly.

"Perhaps you should ask Lieutenant Jee about ordering Zoryu to get the heaters working." He suggests. Perhaps this will be an opportunity for his nephew to interact with someone other than himself.

"Waste... burning rock for that. No good. Dumb idea. Your obtuse suggestions will run us to the rocks, Nenenoch!" Zuko picks up his tea and pulls it close to his chest, and inhales the steam. 

"Ah, so you've read the new play I gave you!" Iroh smiles generously and gives a good natured laugh. He wasn't sure if his nephew would still be able to... 

He sighs, smile falling, and hides his sadness by taking another sip from his cup. 

"Better than do nothing in boat or look on ice all day." Zuko grumbles, hand twitching.

Iroh watches him clench his jaw, his arm goes stiff, then his hand stops twitching. 

"Well then, how about you come with me to the deck! I'm sure we'll be able to see some Dolphin Piranhas this close to land." Not to mention Zuko might get some fresh air and sun. He's been holed up for weeks now. 

"Without see Avatar I not care nothing! Go see these animal alone!" He slams his tea down onto the Pai Sho table and gets up. 

Iroh sees the way Zuko tries to hide his stumble as his legs shake, but says nothing. His nephew doesn't need anybody commenting on his difficulties.

The moment the controll tower's door slams shut, Lieutenant Jee scoffs. 

"He should treat you with more respect, General Iroh, especially with all you've done for him." He comments, but keeps his attention on the maps before him. 

Iroh slowly puts down his own tea, and slides a tile forward. 

"If the pursuit of respect was the only thing motivating me, this ship would have never set sail, Captain, and you would still be in chains." He doesn't often play the 'I saved you, so shut up' tile - but it does have it's advantages. 

With that said, he gets up, and follows Zuko. Maybe he will be able to convince him to see the Southern Lights. In another week they'll set sail to the Earth Kingdom and the opportunity will sail with it. 

* * *

During the past three years at sea, Iroh has learned one crucial thing about his nephew. It is that, the only thing to motivate him to get out of his room (other than the Avatar) is improving his bending. 

While he absolutely hates it when the prince insists on training for hours, he does appreciate it when the incentive of training gets him above deck. 

The fresh air does him good and the sun gives him strength.

He watches closely as Zuko runs through his basic katas, producing small flames, while eating roast duck. 

The Wani is embraced by large walls of ice as they cut through the the deadly waters. There isn't much out here, save for the occasional seal or penguin. 

Zuko insisted on coming here, despite his Uncle's subtle aversions, insisting he search every corner of the earth. Honestly it was a better idea to come to the South Pole first rather than the North. He isn't entirely sure Zuko would be able to handle the mighty Northern warriors on his own. 

At least out here it's safe and calm and joyf-

A giant light shoots into the sky. 

Iroh gapes at it, bowl almost slipping from his hands. That is not a celestial light. 

"Helmsman, set way for the light!" Zuko orders while frowning deeply. 

Iroh keeps telling him it doesn't make him more intimidating (especially considering his nephew's handsome features) but the boy needs to believe he has authority. 

He sighs and takes another bite. Looks like he won't be finishing his meal today. 

* * *

Iroh hangs back as Zuko decends the ramp into the tiny villiage. He hears him recite a line from one of his plays - the part of an invading conqueror seeking intelligence - and strokes his beard appreciatively. His nephew is a talented actor indeed. 

His heart jumps a little in panic when a water tribe boy runs towards Zuko armed with a spear. He breathes a sigh of relief as Zuko handles it easily. There aren't any real fighters here, so there's no need to feel threatened. 

Until a bald kid swoops in on a penguin and slaps Zuko's feet right from under him. 

Oh this is going to be an interesting day indeed.

* * *

Iroh never expected, in a hundred years, to find the Avatar. He never expected the Avatar to be a child. 

But it's in moments like these - watching his nephew walk around with a straightened back and a new purpose, that he thanks the spirits for bringing the small monk into their lives.

So when they reach Kyoshi Island, Iroh leaves it in Zuko's hands (and has a word with the crew to keep him safe) while handling correspondence from Zhao. 

He doesn't need that ladder-climber interfering with Zuko's goals. Iroh marks all the ports on map where he knows Zhao will never set foot. Most are pirate infested, but he thinks its well worth it to keep his nephew's fire going. 

The moment the crew return, soaked to the bone, Iroh rushes over to a shivering Zuko. He throws a blanket over his shoulders and quickly leads him below deck to the engine room where it's considerably warmer. 

"Avatar g-going North," Zuko clatters, shivering and bundles closer under the blanket, "h-have to follows, quick, or l-lose..." his nephew frowns in concentration.

Iroh nods, punches some fire into the furnace, and pulls the blanket around Zuko's neck.

"You're right, Prince Zuko, Lieutenant Jee is following the sky bison's trail, but we'll have to make port soon."

"For why?! Waste time do stop, no do that!" Then he coughs and bends over, gasping.

Iroh goes to touch him, only to be slapped away.

"Fine. Make stop. No touch me ever!" His nephew gets up and storms out of the engine room without looking back. Iroh gives a defeated sigh.

For the next few days he frets over Zuko's health. He's not sure if his nephew will have the strength to survive if he catches a cold. 

Luckily they arrive at their destination soon and Iroh sets out to buy some medicine while the crew is ordered to restock. 

But of course his stubborn nephew tags along and manages to get involved with pirates and - of course - the avatar. 

Iroh supposes he better get used to this happening a lot more often. He's not sure why, but it seems the spirits have entwined Zuko's destinies with that of the Avatar and his friends. 

The good news is Zuko makes a quick recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm basing the way Zuko talks, off of how I think I sound when speaking in my third language (which I absolutely suck at) if anyone is wondering. As well as little snippets of dialogue from a family member of mine who was also brain damaged.


	13. Soulmate's Wit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko can't big brain. But he doesn't need to when he has awesome soulmates.

Zhao has the Avatar.

Zuko sits crisscross in his cabin. Candles are burning softly below his window. He breathes in and feels his fingers shake. 

If Zhao wins he won't get to go home.

Think of things to calm down. He can't focus if he's angry. Zuko closes his eyes. His room smells like the flowers Uncle gave him yesterday. He can feel the life from the tiny flames. Each breath he takes sounds hollow.

He knows where the Avatar is being kept. 

When he opens his eyes and looks up - he sees his Dao swords mounted on the wall. He stares at them, and thinks. And thinks. 

The wheels in his brain turn slowly. 

His head twitches to the side. Zuko bites his tongue. 

_Stop. Stop. Be normal. No weird things. Don't twitch. Stop. Be normal._

Another deep breath makes the candles burn brighter. 

A soft hand on his shoulder makes him jump. Zuko whirls around - but there's no one there. Of course there isn't. He would have heard his door's rusty hinges...

"I need think. Go leave." Zuko has to think about keeping his voice soft. He can't talk too loud. Uncle will hear. Think he's being crazy if talk to himself. 

The soft hand pats his shoulder, then rests there. It doesn't leave. 

The candles spike with his irritation. He shrugs his shoulder to get the hand off. 

"No touch me!" He grits out through teeth. Hands touch make skin feel tingle. Weird. Wrong. 

Zuko relaxes a little when the hands move. Only to tense again when he feels gentle pressure on his hands, tugging. 

He frowns. His soulmate wants him to... move? Do something? He allows it. Follows their guidance. 

At first he's not sure which soulmate it is. It's not Callous, the hands are too soft. It's not Ripple - they know he doesn't like to be touched. Nor is it Toughy, the grip is not... it's too gentle. And Hair Ruffle usually tries talking by tapping, which leaves -

Oh.

Zuko frowns down at the theatre mask. 

"What for, Flutter?" Why did his soulmate make him find this? Those hands touch his face. Zuko flinches back so violently that he drops the mask. The candles flare up and brighten the room enough to make his eyes hurt. 

His heart hammers against his chest and his fingers start shaking. 

"NO TOUCH ME!" He yells, voice barely hiding the fear under fury, and backs up. "GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" How can his soulmate do that to him? Aren't they supposed to care? He's their soulmate, they should know him better than anyone. 

So why do they keep touching him?

He's shaking so hard, and the candles keep flapping everywhich way. 

"D-Don't... tou-ch." He cracks, shoulders shaking hard. Even being alone in his room he feels ashamed for showing weakness. 

The hands come back, slower this time. First the tips of fingers touch his cheeks. Zuko shies away a little. But the fingers follow. Knowing what to expect makes it easier. 

_Flutter won't - can't - hurt you. They can only touch. Can't burn. Can't slap. It's okay._

Zuko repeats this over and over as the hands slowly cup his face. Thumbs stroke comfortingly over his smooth skin. For a few minutes that's all that happens. 

In time his heart calms down. The candles settle. 

"Sorry." Zuko whispers. Flutter pauses... then stokes his jaw once - as if saying apologising is unnecessary. 

Then, surprisingly, the hands guide his face to the side. Zuko looks at the Dao swords.

"What... swords," he stares and thinks. Zuko looks down at the mask he dropped, then back at the swords. 

Flutter strokes his face one last time... and then the hands are gone. 

It takes another moment for his brain to catch up. 

Zhao has the Avatar. But now Zuko has a plan. 

_I might be dumb - stupid, useless - but I have soulmate who not are. They make help. I can do._

* * *

Zuko likes dress-up. He feels like an actor without a script the whole time he breaks into the Pohuai stronghold. No one sees him. 

Playing hide and seek with Azula was worth it, Zuko decides. 

And then he's cutting the Avatar loose. The kid keeps asking him questions, but he doesn't know how to answer. He's never read a play before about ninjas. Do they talk? He doesn't have lines memorized to respond. 

Zuko thinks it's better to say nothing. 

It goes good until everyone is attacking them. He doesn't know what to do. Zuko didn't think of a plan. 

The Avatar has good ideas. Like using ladders to go over the walls. Until they're falling. 

"We need the Avatar alive!" Zhao yells.

Zuko blinks behind the mask. If Zhao wants Avatar alive, he'll be scared if he dies, right?

Using the technique Piandao showed him, Zuko moves fluidly and puts his swords against the kid's throat. 

Zuko wants to smile a little when he sees Zhao look all angry. See! He can do things without a script!

The two of them back away slowly. Zuko looks behind him for a second to see how far away the forest it. Just a few more steps and -

Something hits his mask - hard - and the force sends him falling. Zuko thinks that if he was a normal person with a normal brain he wouldn't have been knocked out. 

But his blood goes all wrong and his head goes fuzzy and -

* * *

This isn't the first time Zuko wakes up after passing out. He knows the drill. Sleepy brain. Different place. Lazy limbs. Someone talking. 

He turns his head to look at the voice. 

Oh. It's the Avatar. 

It takes another second for Zuko to realise; he won. Zhao lost. In that moment he doesn't care if he got the Avatar or not. He's just... calm. Soft sunlight is on his face. There are some birds singing. Or maybe it's just his ears ringing?

His head feels funny. 

The Avatar looks... sad? Zuko's not good at reading people. Maybe he's just talking softly so no one will hear him?

Instead of trying to capture him, he listens to the kid's story. Zuko likes stories. It's a sad story. He doesn't like sad stories. 

"If we knew eachother back then, do you think we could have been friends?" And then he's looking right at Zuko. All innocence and vulnerability- weakness...

Zuko's first instinct is to attack. 

He watches the boy jump away. 

In the silence that follows, his brain catches up. Friends? Zuko's never had friends before. (Do Mai and Ty Lee count?)

Would they have been friends if he wasn't the Avatar? Zuko's legs twitch and he sits down quickly. He rubs his knees to make them stop moving. 

Does he still care about... of course he does. Of course he still needs to get the Avatar. He wants Father to love him. He can't just -

"Uugh! Kid play mind trick. Make me to be doubt."

While walking back to The Wani he replays the Avatar's story. 

Maybe they could have been. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter. Big oof.


	14. Father's Child Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad girls are good girls that haven't been caught.

Azula looks at herself in the mirror. Hair tied back. Uniform pressed and neat. Makeup smooth and stunning. Shoulders back and head held high. 

_Father will notice_

_how perfect you look._

A voice whispers. She grins at her reflection, then turns on her heels and goes to the throne room. 

The servants open the doors as she reaches them. Taking long steady strides, she reaches her Father's throne and kneels as is custom. 

"Ah, Azula, I'm glad to see you here so quickly." Ozai greets. She can hear the smile in his voice and it makes her heart jump... with satisfaction. 

"Of course, Father. I see no need in wasting your precious time as many others tend to do."

_As Zuko has done._

The voice bites maliciously. She raises her head with a smirk at her subtle insult at her brother. Azula preens when she sees Father smile. It seems he too appreciates an excellent jab at his least competent child. 

"Then you will be most intrigued to hear what I have planned for how you will be spending your time." The flames in front of him are as controlled as his voice. 

Azula lifts her chin in acknowledgement, eyes sharpening. So Father does have a reason for collecting her from boarding school early. Interesting. 

"I have recieved word that the Avatar has made his way to the Noth Pole. It seems he is looking for a teacher."

She knows where this is going, and feels her heart beat faster. Of course she's noticed the gossip. Firenation soldiers getting ready. Battleships sailing out. 

Her mind starts scheming. The Avatar is learning the elements. No doubt he already started learning waterbending. His next move will be earthbending. It will be advisable for her to round up an elite team and head to the Earth Kingdom - 

"Of course you already know my brother and Zuko are on the hunt for the airbender." Father's voice derails her thoughts and makes a tiny scowl mar her perfect face. 

"They no doubt have been more of a hindrance than help, Father." Azula narrows her eyes in disgust. Zu-zu is way too incompetent to be trusted with anything important. As for Uncle, well, he's probably too focused on her brother than anything else. 

"That is exactly why I am intrusting you with this task, my daughter." Father's voice rises with pride and she can see him - from behind a wall of heat - standing up. "Go and find the Avatar."

Her heart beats faster as he steps through the flames, which move at his command. She watches him come closer and closer, having to raise her chin more to keep eye contact. 

"And if Zuko or Uncle -"

"They are of no importance to _us,_ Azula. _We_ will be the ones to bring glory to our nation. _They_ are just a sick tree that needs to be pruned, for the good of the orchard." His voice curdles with disgust.

Azula feels her eye twitch at being interrupted. 

_No one disrespects_

_you,_ _but_ _Father is right. You_

 _do not_ _waste_ _your breath._

_Like Zuko._

"Oh, Azula," Father's voice softens. He gestures for her to stand, and she does so in one swift movement. Shoulders back, hands at her sides, feet apart - head held high. "You are the only one I can trust with something so important."

And then he puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. 

Her stomach turns and her heart beats faster. Father trusts her. He trusts her and no one else. Of course he does. She's better than any other advisor, in almost- no - in _every_ way. 

_Then why do I feel afraid?_

_Because failure makes_

_you imperfect like Zuko_

_Burn or be burned, wick._

"I won't fail you Father." Azula replies steadily and looks into eyes that shine with satisfaction. All the while her heart beats a million times a mile. 

* * *

While servants pack her trunks, she retreats to her private office under the guise of business. She opens a window and sits down at her desk. 

Around her silence reigns.

She waits until she hears the flap of wings before pulling out paper and dipping her quill into the ink. Azula writes with a practiced hand and within moments her message is composed. 

Her attention shifts to the Firehawk who is peering at her from the window sill. Unpreened feathers. Dull tallons. Chipped beak. She holds up her forearm.

The creature crawks and flaps over. Its weight feels like nothing to her muscled arm. 

Azula looks at it with narrowed eyes. Using a gorgeously manicured nail she scratches the feathers on its head. 

"Hello there, you ugly thing." She coos. 

It croowks a little and moves its head, eyes closing. 

With her other hand she opens the pouch on its back, rolls up her letter, and slips it in deftly. 

Azula flattens its crest feathers two - three times - and stands up. The bird poofs up and shakes itself. 

"Off you go now," She throws it out the window and watches it flap away, "you ugly thing." 

There's a knock on the door. Azula unhastily closes the window and leisures over to her chair. She sits down, crosses one leg over her knee and calls.

"Enter."

The servant that comes in bows low - head touching the thick red carpet. 

"Everything is prepared as you wished, princess."

Azula smirks. "Excellent." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these chapters are short, guys, but I would rather write something short and potent than something lengthy and time wasting.


End file.
